Star Trek - Battlestations!

I'm not going to let him work our windward Piper, bring the jib sheet in two pulls.  You left it too free."

Always the cut.  Always the barb.  Why?  Didn't he have enough laurels to sit on?  Not ten people in a million had his status.  Why pick on me?

But as I glared at the captain, ire mixed with a stab of sympathy for him...

Irritation.  Disgust.

That is my overall feeling when reading about Lieutenant-now-Commander Piper, and the strong desire to put the book down shortly after picking it up.

Battlestations! (#31 Pocket, #  Titan) is Diane Carey's sequel to Dreadnought! 

Once again the adventures of one Piper nee Mary Sue is the last novel in a group of 10 that I had to read, and the prospect of reading another  adventure of Piper the cringe inducing wasn't very attractive.  Now, I feel I was pretty magnanimous when I reviewed Dreadnaught!, these novels just aren't for me... perhaps a younger me would have loved them, but not now and I can't be forgiving now that I have read two of them.

From the outset Battlestations! is ridiculous.  The events occur mere weeks after the events of Dreadnaught! although Piper (Carey?) seems to have a weak grasp on what weeks actually means and Piper is on a sailing ship, on earth, with James T Kirk on whom she has a sizeable crush.  Dr McCoy is on the schooner (named Edith Keeler) presumably to stop any potential cheating on their respective Vulcans.  Suddenly, Kirk is whisked away on charges of stealing transwarp technology, brave Piper then has to sail the schooner (not before assaulting a number of security personnel) to a rendez-vous point where she meets up with old pals Scanner, and Merete and her new command the Tyrannosaurus Rex soon renamed S.S. Banana Republic (because renaming a ship is your first concern right)?  She also meets Spock later who informs her that Sarda (her pet Vulcan) is with the traitors who have stolen the transwarp technology.

The motley crew (Piper is in charge of course, even of Spock and McCoy) upset Klingons (while undercover in a bar on a technologically backwards planet) but eventually are joined by Kirk (having got off being arrested for stealing transwarp technology?).  They storm a research facility save(?) Sarda, get captured, watch as Spock and Kirk exchange deep and meaningful looks after they have been captured, get attacked by Klingons (again).

The moral repugnance of the main traitor is underlined as not only is she trying to sell of the transwarp technology to the highest bidder (causing an interstellar scramble) but also used a dangerous drug to knock out Enterprise's crew, take control of the Enterprise and install the transwarp drive in her.

But.  That's.  Not.  All.

Piper the ever annoying manages to damage one of the nacelles with the Banana Republic, she and her crew then get on the Enterprise and save the day, however the day is not saved as Klingon, Romulan and other powers start trying to take control of the crippled Enterprise.  A firefight ensues where Kirk orders the transwarp drive be repurposed as a weapon and used on the enemy ships, with... somewhat devastating effects.  After what seems like an eternity the cavalry come to save the day and finally the end of the book is in sight.

Still.  Not.  All.

Bonus(?) comedy chapter to prolong the reader's suffering longer.  Piper is going to go sailing with Kirk again, she's going to remain on the Enterprise, and Scanner video'd her unfortunate veil dance and initial harassment by the Klingons.  Then, when she goes to get some sleep, Scotty comes in because she broke his ship.

End.

There.  Now you don't have to read it.  I've spared you from the incessant Mary-Sue-ing, the bad writing, the ridiculous contrivances, and ISS (Inexplicable Stupidity Syndrome).  And lets face it, the universe must have come down with ISS, because that's the only way Piper(Carey?) could ever be the brightest bulb in the box.

I'm not alone!

Now, in my review of the previous book, I gave it/Piper/Carey the benefit of the doubt.  Now that I've had to suffer two of these unfortunately unforgettable books, I'm less inclined to play nice.  It's getting a 1/5 (instead of Dreadnought!'s 2/5), I can't handle the sheer amount of utter tripe I've had to read from this author so far.  Apparently the other ST novels she's written are better, and from a fellow cynic!

And you know, it isn't just a dislike of first person narratives.  I mean, I don't particularly like them or dislike them as a narrative style... but as you know I'm picky, fussy, and critical and I just want books I read to be written well.  Even if you overlook that Piper is an awful character, even avoiding the stigma of the term Mary-Sue, both Dreadnought! and Battlestations! are terribly written.  They are simply badly written, poorly structured nonsense that frankly shouldn't have been published.

"... hair fell around my face as I stared at the floor, cloaking me from their eyes.  I'd have liked to think of my hair as golden, but somehow it never got past pyrite.  The worse the situation got, the browner my hair felt.  Even after all those weeks under earth's sun... 

How did my hair get into this?"

This is the level of inanity ladies and gentlemen, and this is frankly what I hate.  I really, really don't care about this girl's thoughts, I don't care one iota.  I don't care about her hair, I don't care about her various insecurities or about how much she idolizes Kirk.  I don't even want her reasoning for anything because it is flawed and silly and just screams ineptitude.

I really don't want to watch as perfectly acceptable characters have to be shotgun to this girl idiot who can only exist in the position she is due to obscene plot contrivances.  One part that really irked me (one of many) was they were trying to break into the computer of the Banana Republic that Spock and Kirk had put on autopilot.  Why were they trying to break into the computer?  Because Piper doesn't like being manipulated, also Carey has to show that Piper can out think Spock.  Everyone is amazed that Piper out thought Spock and nobody else could have come up with such a easy way to bypass the computer... after all -

"Machines are idiots.  They're marvelous tools, but they're stupid.  You know why they don't put legs on computers?  Because they'd walk off a cliff if you told them to."

Wonderful.  Thank you for you insight.  You're fabulous Piper.  I am surely enriched by your words.  Please carry on. ((She hasn't heard of the three laws of robotics then??))

The only down side to Piper being designated a Mary-Sue is that it gives you a false hope that she'd die at the end of the story.  Alas, she remains fully alive to the end and beyond.

Unlike the goon she disintegrates with a Klingon disrupter because she "needs to be taken seriously".

Apparently Carey has been very open about Piper being a Mary-Sue character, well done Carey, you sold two sub par stories and got a nice little pay cheque out of it, you also ensured that there would be no further Star Trek TOS books with a focus on a main character NOT of the main cast, since after these two sorry excuses a ban was put in place prohibiting them.

1/5 - "Aw, that stinks" quoth a character with a brain cell.

Star Trek - Dreadnought!

"Put Piper on."
Damn, I knew it, I knew it! "Pi-" My throat closed up.
"Star Empire, do you read?"
"P-Piper here."
"Can you handle that helm?"
"Hell if I know, sir."
"I can command you from h-"
The ship shuddered and lurched to starboard, pushed by a photon blast on the underside of the primary hull.

So, it was with trepidation that I picked up my final book in this selection of ten Dreadnought! (#29 Pocket, #29 Titan) (1986).   Disappointingly, books in this grouping (#21 to #30) have been majoritively misses (for me anyway) with a couple hits.  I got about half way through Dreadnought! and was ready to write a scathing review.  I wasn't enjoying reading it, I didn't like the style, I hated the main character, I despised the puerile dialogue... and then I thought... perhaps I'm reading this the wrong way?

I like well written books, and frankly I've been spoiled.  I mean, when you've found an author or two who just get everything right for you, you're spoilt.  There is one particular author (not a Star Trek author) who just takes my breath away every time I read a new book by him, and damn it I want that sensation with more things I read!  Keeping this in mind, I took a step back from my own dislike of Dreadnought! and wondered who it was written for, who would like it, who would read this novel and dream they were lieutenant Piper.

It became so obvious then.  I'd been so unhappy reading it, holding it up against an impossible standard that I hadn't given it a fair chance.  I hadn't stepped back and thought that, well, perhaps I'm not really the intended audience, perhaps in its own way it is good, it's just not what captures my imagination anymore.

Anymore?

Yes, anymore.  When I took a step back I realised that actually, actually I would have loved this book fifteen years ago.  A silly, awkward fourteen or fifteen year old who dreamed about being older, not realising that as an adult she wouldn't be the same person, that she wouldn't have that same mentality.  A girl who didn't realise her glib remarks didn't really do her any favours and that sarcasm wasn't very flattering.  A girl who wasn't interested in the latest boy band, but who idolised star ship captains, and elves, and fairies.  A girl who still secretly played make believe while running around her family's land, making herself a main character in a myriad of games and make believe stories.  Could she rescue a borg drone from being a drone?  Yep, because she was special.  Find a magic lamp and make three wishes? Of course.  Somehow succeed against the odds, gain her peers respect, earn recognition?  As easy as breathing.

Yes, that little girl would have loved Dreadnought! and lieutenant Piper's exploits. 

Oh, of course that isn't going to get it completely off the hook, but once I realised some of this I started to be able to enjoy it (you might have noticed I'm a little bit mulish).

I guess my mind keeps coming back to that explanation of a Mary Sue; why they exist, what they represent, and I just get the feeling that (and I recognise I could be wrong) lieutenant Piper of Proxima may as well be called lieutenant Carey of 'somewhere in the USA'.  I very much think even if we discard the term 'Mary Sue', Piper is still a self-insert (made more likely by the rumour that Diane Carey modelled for the cover herself) and her adventures probably the outcome of many hours of play.  Carey herself says she was a first generation fan, she would have been what, thirteen or fourteen when Star Trek first aired?  It fits, doesn't it?

Lieutenant Piper is like... the dream outcome for an awkward, dorky girl in her teens.   She isn't one of the beauty queens or popular girls, but she's still pretty enough to have a 'lover' right?  And everyone seems to love her, even though she hasn't learned to love herself yet.  She makes friends easily, but importantly she makes mistakes with her relationships too... so she's realistic to a teenage girl trying to make her way through the minefield of school and hormones.  Piper gets angry with herself, berates herself, asks herself why she's being so stupid.  She makes those silly teenage comments that sound so clever to a child (what a come back!), but to an adult it makes you cringe a little bit inside (oh, why did you say that you silly girl!).  

Carey (or Piper, or both) realises that Kirk is off limits, after all no mere woman could come between Kirk and Spock (I caught all those little observations Carey, slash knows slash) so she creates her own Vulcan 'Sarda'.  Sarda doesn't look like Spock, his colouring is auburn hair and light eyes but he's still a Vulcan and... also caught between two worlds.  Although he is fully Vulcan, he has a penchant for weapons design.  Piper drew attention to this, Sarda got ostracised by his fellow Vulcans, cue teenage angst.

This is naturally what will draw them together in the end - and Carey Piper will have a deep and meaningful bond with a Vulcan, just like Captain Kirk whom she idolises.  Now I completely understand her passion for Kirk, completely but good grief girl, stop making eyes at the Captain when you've got a Vulcan waiting in the wings (and a forgettable ex, that's ok though).

Events move incredibly quickly, like a child recounting a story 'and then this happened, then this, then suddenly - this!' one minute she's a cadet in the academy taking the Kobayashi Maru test, then she's been made lieutenant on the Enterprise, then she's on board and before she can change her clothes there's an emergency.  Then she still doesn't change her clothes (because she's special don't you know!) and then she breaks out, steals a shuttle type thing, gets caught by the soon to be bad guy, then escapes, then captains the dreadnought, then we're all back home in time for an award ceremony and a buffet.  Later she's going to go sailing with Captain Kirk and they're both going to talk about what it's like to be bonded close friends with a Vulcan.

It's honestly ridiculous, I mean she wears a black jumpsuit instead of her uniform the whole way through.  Her group bunny hop down a corridor as a diversionary tactic.  The amount of contact between her and Sarda is nearing on indecent, and some of the descriptions of things - 'orgasmic' oh you naughty girl! - are far past appropriate!

It's not so much a Star Trek story as a girl's fantasy.  To be the one at the centre of the narrative (and it can't be any other way written in the first person), to be accepted by people you admire, to work out and thwart a plot which threatens the galaxy AND manage to show that you listened in your social studies class as you talk about ideas like 'big government' and 'civil liberties'.

That being said Diane Carey has made copious use of the Technical Manual, which gives the specifications for the Dreadnought class ship and the name Star Empire.  She also uses a couple of the flow diagrams which are in the technical manual that describe Starfleet hierarchy.  In addition to this, there are also two technical drawings at the back of the book which show two smaller ships / shuttles - a one man fighter 'polliwog' and a two man 'arco attack sled'.

So... I guess although it's ridiculous, thoroughly unbelievable silliness, I guess it isn't totally terrible as long as you accept it for what it is.  Seeing that Carey wrote historical romance novels around this time, it makes sense that the Piper and this whole book should be written in this style.  Historical romances are aimed at women and the main characters are often just stand ins for the audience, and that's what Piper is.  She's making new friends and having encounters with men who are (in her world) possible romance options. 

Anyway, Dreadnought! has a lot of heart and despite not liking it, I'm going to give it a 2/5.  As I said, for what it is, it isn't bad.  It's not trying to be anything other than it is, which is a  simple teenage / young adult novel set in the Star Trek universe.

2/5 - because uniforms aren't for main characters.

Star Trek - Demons

Spock looked away as her chin trembled.  "It was you father who killed both Starnn and Silek."  She covered her face with her hands.
"My father,"  Spock corrected her gently, "killed no one.  Whatever, whoever controls Sarek now is responsible for their deaths."  He gently pulled her hands from her face, and she tried to smile at him.

I skipped ahead to Demons by J M Dillard (#30 Pocket, #43 Titan) (1986) because at least she is a known quantity to me, and the three left over in this ten made me wince a little bit when I read the blurbs.  To be fair so did Demons, but at least I have some idea of what Dillard is going to throw at me now...

... and to be fair it was very 'Dillard'.

Like Mindshadow there was a lot going on, but it wasn't quite as crowded with references and loose end story threads, and I'm happy to say there was no wrist slitting, though Demons did contain:

• Wrist spraining
• Spock braining
• Kirk's rib breaking
• McCoy poisoning and,
• Cast brainwashing

Not to mention:

• Sarek shaming
• Vulcan murdering and,
• OC powerupping

Ok, you get the picture.  It's still busy and if you've read Mindshadow you'll get the idea that Dillard really likes a few particular story elements:

• Keeping Kirk ignorant, because who tells captains anything these days
• Vulcans doing un-Vulcan things
• Vulcan (the planet)
• Injuring the main cast, no pain no gain
• Sarek and Amanda
• Starfleet / Federation being super sneaky (also in Bloodthirst)
• "Super amazing" female OC everyone loves, also McCoy ends up as her romance option and is a very jealous lover
• Kirk is left out of much the action
• OC Soap Opera
• ISS

Sorry about that but Demons is... well.  It's a bit special.

Demons is J M Dillard's second published Star Trek TOS novel, the first being Mindshadow (1985) and the next being Bloodthirst (1987).  She would go on to write two more Star Trek TOS novels and six Star Trek movie novel adaptations.

I said in my Bloodthirst review that I would be interested in seeing Dillard's progression, and I can honestly say that she does improve but she remains pretty mediocre.  Mindshadow was amateurish fantasy fulfillment that needed more editing than it got, Demons improves marginally as she makes her narrative a little tighter but there are still too many threads and not enough exposition.

So, what is Demons (1986) about anyway?

Well, imagine The Exorcist (1973) in space, but instead of demonic possession it's sentient subatomic particles binding to the brain's neurotransmitters.  These subatomic particles propagate via hypnosis and feed on the fear and pain of the people they commit cruel and sadistic acts upon.  These 'demons' have destroyed an ancient civilisation before, what will they do to the Federation?!

Oh dang, I've read this before.  Wait, wait, I've got it.  Legends End 1 (1984).  Oops.

Well, it could be a coincidence, Legends End has sadistic dark elves who feed off fear and act of sadism via brain implant type things.  I've been searching through some contemporary reviews and I haven't seen any comparisons at the time but that doesn't mean there aren't any there - my access to such things is far from comprehensive.  Also, reviews of Demons seem very positive - even today, I'm sorry ladies and gentlemen, I simply don't see the merits of this book!

Some reviewers have even said that it's a masterpiece of Trek fiction.  Don't-Make-Me-laugh.

One of the big red flags for me was the inclusion of the character Anitra, who it turns out was a Starfleet/Federation intelligence agent (human) who has a super high psi rating (over 500!).  She is beautiful, she has amazing hair, she is super intelligent, can read minds, does something that could get her court martialled, doesn't get court martialled, everyone seems to love her.  A reviewer in IDIC 15 comments that she's the same character type as Evan Wilson (Uhura's Song), which pretty much makes perfect sense as to why I particularly disliked her - hi ho Mary Sue!

The reason given for Anitra's inclusion as a character in the first place is that because of her super high psi rating she can sense the evil in things.  Wait, I thought we had a scientific explanation for all this, Vulcans seem to have psi ratings at about this level, and there are other telepathic species in the Federation.  Humanity on the other hand are pretty much universally psi-null aside from one or two exceptions... even then I don't think they're a touch on Vulcan telepathy.  What's made slightly worse is that she's given the same kind of telepathy as Vulcans have - touch telepathy.

So frankly, I don't know where Dillard is coming from.  In Bloodthirst she did this funny mixing of science and the supernatural - well I say mixing, but it was pretty much oil and water - but it was clumsy and just didn't seem to work well, Demons is the same.  We have a scientific explanation, we have scientists working on the problem, why oh why are we still using terms like 'evil' and 'demons' when this is all explainable?  Now if, if Anitra was a mystic of some sort and Dillard had left in some sort of inexplicable mysticism as part of the story then Demons would have worked better - and it wouldn't have been outside of Star Trek's track record at all.

Characterisation of the main cast was okay?  It wasn't anything to write home about, and the fact Kirk is never told what's going on really chafes.  I mean why would Starfleet keep it secret from him?  Why would they only tell Spock?  Kirk would have been able to take the right course of action from the beginning if he'd only been told, he'd have been able to protect his crew.  Of course, that would mean Dillard would have had to have thought a little bit harder about how to progress the story.

Having this strange love triangle between Spock, McCoy and Anitra was...  awkward.  Although I had to laugh since McCoy got the girl in Mindshadow as well, and was a jealous lover then too!  Instead of Kirk being his rival, it was Spock this time!  Oh dear, McCoy is such a green eyed monster!

Dillard's OCs were present, but this time Security Chief Tomson had a useful role and was a little more of a rounded character.  I did like that Kirk doesn't actually like her though!  I have to wonder what happened to Nguyen though... last we heard of her she was told to hide in her quarters about halfway through the book, and she doesn't resurface...

One section I particularly liked however was when Kirk 'is cured' of the demon affliction and basically has to save his hostile crew on a scuttled Enterprise, whilst Spock, McCoy and Anitra have their own little adventure on Vulcan (they left him!).  I thought this was actually the strongest part of the book (and that's not just because Kirk was in it...), it was pretty tense and trying to work out who was safe or not was stressful!  Certainly there were strong TV horror elements although I'm not 100% sure they work with Star Trek, it didn't quite sit right with me.  Of course, having the Enterprise as basically a hot lab meant that Kirk actually figured out the solution via trial and error quicker than the 'scientists' on Vulcan.

Once Demons reaches its crescendo the narrative hurtles at breakneck speed to the end - in only twelve pages the book wraps up, with a lot of questions.  One thing that really bothers me is that Dillard does not return things to the status quo, there are a lot of repercussions from this story which in her haste to finish, have been swept under the carpet.  There's been murder on Vulcan, murder on the Enterprise, torture.  What about the ships which left Vulcan already infected (Dillard stated that some must have got to Earth already), how about the ship which fired on the Enterprise?  If a starship captain can work out the solution, why oh why did we need the Mary-Sue character in the first place?

Demons is really quite trashy and is quite reminiscent of popular 'horror' fiction of the time.  Not my cup of tea (and it's not because of the horror aspect) but some people obviously like it.  I'm not a fan of the Mary-Sue character type, I think the narrative could have progressed without Anitra, and I feel that the effects of the events of the novel were too far reaching and dire to be essentially glossed over at the end.  That being said Dillard's writing writing style is is pleasant and easy to read, so despite the content being not so great you still end up enjoying 'the writing' if nothing else.

2/5 - Leonard McCoy, Green Eyed Monster MD

Star Trek - Uhura's Song

And Kirk said, "Do you mean, a song to help you remember - not only the symptoms - but the cure for the disease?  You know the cure to ADF?"

It was as if he had struck her, but she only said, "There is no cure on Eeiauo, Captain.  The last verse is missing.  Sunfall ended the song there, and her ears drooped and tail... I can't describe it, sir.  She looked at me in despair, and she told me it was a song for another world, not hers."

Well... I can certainly see why this was considered a 'giant novel' when released in the UK!

Uhura's Song by Janet Kagan (#21 Pocket, Giant Novel - Titan) (1985) is... a long book.  I mean, in the scheme of things and compared to other science fiction novels (like those written by Peter F Hamilton) it isn't that long but... it's certainly long for a Star Trek novel of this era.

... Yep.  Definitely long.

It isn't quite pulling teeth to read long, but it is overly... long.

Did I mention it's long?

It isn't 'bad' per se, but it misses out on being 'actually good' by a fair margin.  This is actually a real shame, as it started with a lot of potential, certainly with a lot of passion but just lost the plot, if you'll allow me to quip.

Let me get this big niggle out the way real quick before I launch into this properly, but you'd think, you'd think, that a book called Uhura's Song would have Uhura playing the lead role (instead of an epitome of a Mary Sue).  I mean, it's not like Tears of the Singers, her name is in the title for pity's sake.  I also completely disagree with the review in Star Trek: Adventures in Time and Space (1999) the Uhura's Song as one of two defining novels for Uhura (together with Tears of the Singers) which "gave Uhura the chance to expand her range beyond hailing frequencies".  Uhura is defined with much more clarity and direction in books not toted as Uhura centric, and frankly if these are the best representations of Uhura, they can keep them!  I don't really think she's portrayed particularly well in either of them, however Uhura's Song gives her a better characterisation, but she's pretty quickly overshadowed by the shameless Mary Sue Evan Wilson.

So what is Uhura's Song about anyway?

Put simply: Space Ebola, the Odyssey, Folklore, Memory, coming of age.

A plague has broken out in the Federation amongst a feline species (it's pretty much like mange), previous outbreaks had been handled by the people themselves, however as the latest outbreak pushes them to breaking point they ask for Federation help.  Unfortunately, the disease affects humans as well, but it progresses faster through a human victim.  Leonard McCoy and Christine Chapel are already infected and reports are coming in from across the Federation of outbreaks... Kirk and his crew are tasked with finding a cure for this deadly disease with only a song Uhura was taught by a member of the feline species as a clue to find their lost planet of origin... and a cure. 

As you might imagine, Uhura has a prominent part to play... initially.  She works with Spock to decipher the astrological clues the song leaves to finding the home planet of the Eeouians.  Her attributes as a driven and talented linguist are emphasised.  However, once the initial detective work is finished she starts to move into the background and although she is part of the action (theoretically) it's very easy to forget she's there, even when she's in an away team on a perilous mission.  That being said her characterisation is very strong when she's the focus.  I actually really enjoyed the way she was presented working with Spock, she was competent but also slightly unsure; someone who is excellent at what she does suddenly being told to get results in a field she has never really explored.  There is a subtleness here which is quite charming, I wish Kagan could have continued this development to the end of the novel, instead of relying on an OC 'Mary-Sue' to smooth over any narrative difficulties she would face.

After Spock and Uhura locate the planet, they beam down to meet the local inhabitants... this is where Uhura's Song turns into sci-fi anthropology novel and actually, this section stands rather well on its own.  Kagan really manages to build a believable society which doesn't buckle under close scrutiny and despite the sheer length of it managed to hold my attention.  It helps that I like cats I suppose and the characterisation of the species is ultimately endearing.  I kept checking how many pages of this section I had read, and was often pleasantly surprised at how much I had read and yet it didn't feel like it was dragging.  However, after the world and society building had being completed and the narrative started to step up a gear again I started to get restless.  Uhura was pushed into the background, and the previously background Kirk stepped forward - not a problem for me - as did Spock.  Chekov was also pretty busy, which was nice to see, I think his characterisation was fitting, if not a bit too competent.  However, three OCs took the foreground, two of which I am happy with (they were of the cousin species of the Eeiauons), and one which essentially ruins the novel utterly.

Evan Wilson... A female character who is incredibly important to this novel... and who could be edited out with a little bit of thought and the story would be significantly better for it.  There is virtually no reason why every incredible action she takes couldn't have been done by another of the landing party.  There is no reason to have her there to make the required leaps of logic, between Kirk, Spock, Uhura, and Chekov there is no need for her - even her leap of medical knowledge could have been made by someone not 'in the know'.  In fact, Uhura would have and should have been the one to solve the mystery.

As it happens, the answer to the problem was in the songs all along, and the terrible disease was only a 'child's disease' with a simple cure.  It apparently needed Evan Wilson to see this... despite that Uhura was well versed and more than qualified to make these inferences.

Of course... all is revealed later when we learn that Evan Wilson is not in fact Evan Wilson... we don't learn her real name... we do learn that she's a secret space operative / pirate who wears foppish shirts, who is a mechanical genius, who is also apparently a medical genius, who everyone liked, and Kirk probably wanted to 'romance' (he was very disappointed when it turned out he couldn't have R&R time with her...)...

Honest to goodness, this character broke the whole book for me.  What a mess.

Despite the above mentioned character, it's still a book I'd recommend for the sake of Uhura and the careful thought that went into the creation of the different felinoid societies.   The other characters are well written, and the writing itself isn't without merit.  Just... the whole story is terribly let down by one very poor character choice, one which some editorial guidance should have caught and reversed.

2/5 - Space Ebola.

As a side note, I've lost my Pocket Books edition of Uhura's Song, so I had to switch to my Titan Books edition.  I swear these books grow legs.

Also, I'm sorry for this sorry excuse of a review... the Mary-Sue pulled my tail!  I'm like... fixated on her!

Perhaps when I feel more energetic I'll add to this review... but the book miffed me off so much that I don't really want to talk about it :/ And I don't want to rip it apart (which I'd usually do) because aside from the Mary-Sue it wasn't bad... urgh...

Star Trek - Pawns and Symbols

Jean felt herself lowered suddenly, plunged into the dark.  She was totally disorientated.  The krelk released her into someone's arms.  "Jean!"  The whisper was Aernath's.  She clung to him convulsingly.

... Convulsingly?

It was about half way through Pawns and Symbols that I turned to my long suffering partner and said 'By God, I've found one, I've found a Mary Sue!'.  He laughed then, and we got into a discussion about the origin of the Mary Sue (he didn't realise that the term has its origin in Star Trek fanfiction) and whether this actually was a Mary Sue representation or not.  This soon spiralled into a mini -ongoing - research project, which then sidestepped into why 2009 Uhura is a poor representation of Uhura and a step backwards for female representation in Star Trek - ongoing project no. 2 - and then lept to the defense of slash ST fans everywhere.

And that was only half way through the book.

Pawns and Symbols (#26 Pocket, Giant #4 Titan) (1985)  by Majliss Larson really has to be read to be believed.  There were many times when I realised my mouth was agape, stunned by what I had just read, others where I had to screw up my face to try to release my muscles from a near constant smirk.  I gave a running commentary to my partner, complete with predictions of what I thought would happen next (it wasn't hard), and proclaimed loudly that I had found 'Twilight in Space'.  How about 'Wrath of Mary Sue'?  No? OK.

Firstly, I'm going to get this out the way.  It's definitely a woman writing, and I think the name 'Majliss Larson' is a pseudonym.  I've looked in my usual places and she doesn't appear to have an online presence or any other reference to her aside from Pawns and Symbols.  To be fair, if I was wrote Pawns and Symbols under my own name, I probably would have legally changed it by now, or invoked something like 'right to be forgotten'!

I have to be fair though, it isn't the worst Star Trek novel I've read (and that pool is increasing), but it is the most blatant Mary Sue / Author Proxy / Self Indulging one so far.  About 90% of the book is taken up by misadventures of Jean Czerny - young, botanist, amnesiac, genius, Klingon whisperer, super attractive to Klingons, can beat a Klingon in a knife fight... need I go on?  Her ridiculous romances with out of character Klingons are set within the theme of 'stranger in a strange land'.  Jean has to adapt to life as a captive in hostile territories and in the process exposes the political machinations and mentalities of Klingon society...

...While banging Kang.  Whilst falling in love with the most gentle Klingon ever with blue eyes (later they are described as amethyst as Larson forgets what she wrote earlier in the novel).  You know what?  I'm not even really spoiling it if I tell you that by the end of the novel after smexing Kang one final time, she gets with the pretty Klingon.  Why am I not spoiling it?  Because Jean is a Mary Sue, loud, proud and (probably) unashamed, and if you rouse your inner teenage fangirl she will inform you what the next 'plot twist' will be.

The tag line for the novel is deceptive:

THE KLINGONS ARE HUNGRY FOR WAR - 

AND KIRK IS CAUGHT IN A BRUTAL BATTLE OF WITS!

I actually believed that I was going to get a clever story this time!  A battle of wits!  Perhaps I was going to be treated to Kang and Kirk butting heads, out maneuvering each other with a grudging respect.   The title Pawns and Symbols sounds exciting and the cover, Kirk, Kang and a chess board, complete with 'chess piece' Jean, wheat, and the Enterprise was intriguing.  There is no battle of wits between Kirk & Kang, because Kirk gets barely any story time, the original crew get barely any story time!  There is one section where the Enterprise rescues a Romulan woman, but this feels like filler, almost as if Larson was told 'look here, this in a Star Trek story, you need to actually put the Enterprise Crew in it!'...  And she does but... it's not so much shoehorned in as crowbarred in.  Spock does have a slightly larger role in a strange episode while posing as a Romulan on a Klingon planet...

Essentially, Pawns and Symbols paints a sympathetic picture of the Klingons, and that they are are essentially a good, kind people who war with an aggressive nature.  Also they are seemingly muslims who treat women as chattel and in some areas are forced to wear clothing very similar to the burka.  Women are also written as second class citizens, forced into a subservient attitude - I'm kind of glad that TNG didn't go down this route with female Klingons!

In this story, the Klingons are in a position of desperate need.  They have caused famine on their planets with alteration of their grain strains but do not wish to seek help because they do not want to bargain from a position of weakness.  This is why they keep Jean Czerny as a hostage, as both a bargaining chip and a resource.  Afterall, she is a genius botanist and will be able to help them use a new resistant type of grain succeed on the various affected planets.  Jean is held captive out of necessity for about 6 months, and in that time, makes enemies, becomes Krang's consort, falls in love with Aernath, adopts a Klingon orphan...

Memorable(?) moments:

- Kang cutting her clothes off her the first time they met.
- The 'I'm too scared to write fallacio so this will have to do scene'.
- The it's not rape, it's coerced sex scene.
- 'I'm screwing Kang, but I sure do hope Aernath is jealous' moments.
- Jean seriously scolding herself in the shower and Kang coming to the rescue.
- All the times we didn't have to know Jean needed to go / went to the toilet.
- Mara (Kangs estranged / now not estranged) wife being totally cool and sisterly about Kang screwing Jean.  Surprised she didn't suggest a menage a trois, all the other Klingons love her.
- Jean being made to strip for Kang after being seriously injured.
- All the teeth grindingly terrible variations of 'speaking another language' through sex.
- Injury is this author's kink.
- A bizarrely long episode about Klingon colour blindness that has no actual bearing on the plot, except perhaps making Aernath look more fragile and adorkable.
- Tribbles.

Luckily, this whole debacle is easily written off, as much of its musings about possible Klingon culture and such is smashed a couple of years later with Next Generation in 1987.  As such, Pawns and Symbols has not aged well.  I feel that this book got published 'under the radar' as it were, since we know that Roddenberry (or at least his team) cracked down on the novels after being triggered by Killing Time's homosexual tendencies.  Killing Time was number 24, Pawns and Symbols is number 26, there would have been only a couple of months between them, I doubt whether the editorial mess would have been cleared up in time for this book to have been filtered out or had any editing.  Actually, I'd be surprised if this book had any proofreading or editing at all.  There are so many typing errors and sentences that make absolutely no sense littered throughout, at times I found myself wondering what had just happened.

Frankly I found myself wondering how this book ever saw print.

I've got to give credit where it's due though.  Whoever Majliss Larson is, I think she really cared for this story; I think it meant a lot to her, I think she tried hard.  That doesn't change the fact it's bloody awful, but you do get a sense that it wasn't a throw away novel for her.  In fairness, she tried to show more of the universe by putting a new character in a difficult situation and was able to increase the time passing in the novel as part of that - I haven't had another ST novel in which the event spanned 6 months... yet.  She did try to add a quite a complex society to the Klingons, which could have worked, but her vessel - Jean 'Mary Sue' Czerny - was not the best choice.  Frustratingly, I could see ways in which the narrative could have been improved, she had good ideas that if told more from the perspective of the Enterprise crew could really have worked.

Consequently, I really don't think this is a recommended read unless you're interested in strange OOC Klingon centric stories, and even then you've got to have a high Mary Sue tolerance to reach the end (I was struggling!).

1/5 - Kang bang...?