Star Trek - The Price of the Phoenix

Jim Kirk scrubbed at his eyes and tried to see, tried to breathe against the sobbing that racked him in uncontrollable spasms, tried somehow to ease the intolerable mass of pain that was his whole body.

It was only a little worse where the big arm crushed him against the massive chest, carrying him now like a child, the single arm looped around his chest and under his thighs, balancing him on one hip, while the other arm reached for something.

Still trying to avoid reading Memory Prime, I looked at my to read shelf and considered my options, all 100+ of them.

Then it caught my eye; I didn't think I had that one, says I, having obviously missed it when looking for the four Sondra Marshak and Myrna Culbreath novels.  Well, since I'd been feeling a little down I thought, well, they're usually good for a laugh.

I was right!

The Price Of The Phoenix (1977) is Sondra Marshak and Myrna Culbreath's first published Star Trek novel and... it's quite the experience.  Yes yes, it's not actually in the Pocket Series (it was published under Bantam) but the other two books in the series are and I've already read those!  So this is where it all began...eh?

Actually it didn't all begin here.

The first version of The Price of the Phoenix (and The Fate of the Phoenix) was Never Mourn Black Omne which was privately published and printed prior to reaching an agreement with Paramount and Bantam Books, and is extremely limited edition; it is unknown how widely this book was circulated.  I haven't read it myself (I think it would probably have to be a lucky ebay find!) but from an excerpt found on fanlore.org it seems fairly similar.

The thing is with Marshak and Culbreath is that the more I read their novels, the more I know them as people.  They're writing 'Star Trek' novels, sure, but they end up revealing more about themselves than actually reflecting the characters or the Star Trek universe.  I suppose that actually, quite a few of the earlier Star Trek books have this quality, it gives them a soul which is sorely lacking in some of the more recent releases.  Saying that however, I could probably have done with a bit less 'soul' in The Price of the Phoenix.  As I've mentioned before, Marshak and Culbreath were not stupid, in fact by all accounts they seem to be incredibly bright.  Culbreath founded her own private academy before selling it and moving down to live with Marshak and her husband.  Marshak earned a Masters degree in history with honours, she was planning a PhD and wanted to write 'culture changing non-fiction' and then... she discovered Star Trek and gave it all up to devote herself to the show and writing fanfiction.  Marshak (from the age of 13) was an avowed Objectivist (Ayn Rand) and believed that Star Trek advanced Objectivist ideals.

The idea of Star Trek advancing Objectivism is quite strange, since objectivism at it's core is right-wing / capitalist; which in many ways Star Trek is not (although I'd argue that even as a post scarcity society, it's not actually socialist at all.. anyway).  I tried to do a little bit of research on objectivism in order to try to apply it to Price but the work I was willing to do just acting on a hunch wasn't really enough to get anywhere particularly entertaining.  Superficially however, without going into the nitty gritty of Rand's philosophy there are some ideas which can be identified as objectivist in the broadest sense.

Anyway, attempting to cut the rambling about pseudo academia short, the most obvious objectivist idea in Price is

the belief that certain things, especially moral truths, exist independently of human knowledge or perception of them. 

and that

"...(Objectivism), in essence, is the concept of man as a heroic being, with his own happiness as the moral purpose of his life, with productive achievement as his noblest activity, and reason as his only absolute." - Ayn Rand, Appendix to Atlas Shrugged

The concept of the heroic being, is central to the narrative of Price, and actually all their novels I've read so far.  The heroic being is invariably Kirk who is basically a cinnamon roll too pure for this world characterised as being Adonis but with the tactical ability of Alexander.  The moral truths are also exemplified by Kirk, who is unaware of his virtue or power although every person who meets him recognises these truths in him.  Kirk is unique because his own happiness -being the captain of the Enterprise- is his moral purpose but also serves a greater purpose which exists dependently of his own will - independent of his knowledge or perception.

Kirk's purity of purpose is what drives... perhaps it's better to say 'causes' the plot.  Omne is attracted to him as a light to his darkness, as a contrasting figure who reminds him of who he was many, many years ago.  The events that take place are not incidental, it's all planned by Omne in order to take possession of Kirk body and mind; this is central, all other plots and machinations are red herrings.

Like The Entropy Effect which would be noted for the fact it kills Kirk outright in a slashy death scene, Price (which of course is the earlier work) also starts with Kirk's death and Spock's emotional response.  We're told it truly is Kirk who has died, no doubt in McCoy's mind.  Spock saw Kirk die...   of course he didn't.  A clone of Kirk was substituted for the 'real' one as he was transported away by Omne.  We're introduced to another clone Kirk who takes the name 'James' while the original uses 'Jim'.  The Romulan commander gets rather fond of 'James', though we're told that she probably got together with 'Jim' when she was being transported on the Enterprise previously.  Spock turns into a testosterone filled (or whatever the Vulcan equivalent is) super Vulcan, not quite VULCAN COMMAND MODE, but close.  All the incidents which lead up to the 'main event(s)' aren't really important, the're just a clumsy method for getting to Marshak and Culbreath's kinks (which I'll get to in a bit).  There's a chase through an under ground labyrinth, lots of sexual imagery, med bay in a bottle (spraycan), nudity, manly 'vulcanoid' fighting... and for once both the clone and the original Kirk survive!  The Romulan commander gets 'James' and Spock gets 'Jim', and everyone lives happily ever after... but they know one day Omne will return... (oh no...)

A more sensible summary of The Price Of The Phoenix on Memory Beta.

I'm not going to waste time summarising this novel seriously, there's no point since it can be found elsewhere.  I am going waste time looking at the appalling descriptions, hyper sexual imagery, and general kinkiness.  I'm also going to repeatedly wonder how this got published.

So, I'm going to start with picking out a wonderful (?) example of the redundant descriptions which litter this hot mess, because everyone needs to suffer this with me.  At least I suppose they improved over time and sentences like -

"So," he said with the deceptive mildness which let the deception show through, "that makes it interesting."

- become less commonplace, but Price is full of them.  When I read a section to my partner, he had to stop me every so often to reread sentences.  Sure, you can work out what they are trying to say, but the descriptions are kinda what you'd expect from a fifteen year old dabbling in fanfiction for the first time; more often than not a horny fifteen year old at that.  Language is very clumsy and at times repetitive -

Kirk felt an odd jolt on some level he couldn't even name. Or-wouldn't.  Perhaps somewhere on the level of what he was refusing to name, even to himself.  Let it be blunt, brute fact.

 But this -

Clumsy, repetitive, badly edited.

Not to mention this particular section follows Omne telling Kirk he didn't want him in the line of fire.  Oh dear.  The big scary vulcanoid wanted to protect the weak pretty earth man, so he carried him off to his secret lair, ministered to his wounds forcefully and erotically.  You know, this is all very familiar; I seem to recall similar events occurring in two other novels by this deplorable duo, and I have little doubt that the next Phoenix book has rather the same kink in it.  I wouldn't be surprised if Omne erotically beats up Kirk again, Jim or James! Spock will go super angry Vulcan, then they kiss and make up, right?

Speaking of erotic.

I really could dedicate this review(?) to erotic imagery in Price but I'd be even more delayed in  publishing this than I already am.  There are two particular scenes / images that stand out to me.  One has already been mentioned, and that's the scene where Omne smashes Jim (the original) into a bloody, broken pulp while James (the copy) and the Romulan commander watch.  I don't even have to go into that James starts to feel the pain of Jim, and then this transmits to Spock.  The one-sided pounding fight between Jim and Omne is pretty much a H/C / sadistic exercise in homo-erotic voyeurism.  I mean, there is no way for Kirk to prevail, Omne is bigger, stronger, more intelligent, described as 'alpha male', king of the jungle following jungle laws (that extended metaphor is the cringiest cringe).

Serious cringe.

Oh gosh, I haven't even mentioned the strange virginity / loss of virginity / rape sections have I?  The clone Kirk is dressed in a white tunic (obviously because he's pure), but feels all the pain of the original (messiah comparison?).  In one section he slides down a pole (the main transportation through the underground labyrinth), but he has no trousers on so his thighs an nethers are scalded to bloody rawness by the friction from the pole.  So, after that he's basically walking around in a white tunic, bleeding between the legs... mmph.  How did that get past the editor too?  The original Kirk also feels these injuries... I'm surprised they didn't go further and describe him sharing that particular violation, or would that make it too obvious?

Anyway.

Let's just skip to the end.  The Price of the Phoenix is an awful book in any context and really just reinforces what I already knew about these two authors.  I don't understand how they were able to return again and again to rehash this same story with the same kinks in again and again.  The very worst of it is this obsession with emasculating Kirk repeatedly.  Yes, Kirk does have a soft side which is at times so gentle, but these two seem almost unable to actually write MxM stuff without making one of the characters a surrogate female.  You see this a lot in fiction involving gay men which is written for women.  One of the characters is always the female stand in, and in this case it's Kirk.

You know, I can't even say they 'know' the series well, because as far as characterisation goes, I don't believe they do.  It feels like they've developed Kirk, Spock and the others into other characters and not the characters they are meant to be.  I could say they they might as well be writing a series with all original characters but then it wouldn't stand out as having a prevailing sense of all round wrongness.

The Price of the Phoenix only stands out and is worth talking about because of how wrong it all is there is literally no merit in it.  By all means read it out of curiosity, read it because its kinda historical and because it costs a couple of pence to buy... but I wouldn't recommend it to anyone except those with an interest in early published slash / mxm stuff.

1/5 - bloody thighs, guys.

Star Trek - Battlestations!

I'm not going to let him work our windward Piper, bring the jib sheet in two pulls.  You left it too free."

Always the cut.  Always the barb.  Why?  Didn't he have enough laurels to sit on?  Not ten people in a million had his status.  Why pick on me?

But as I glared at the captain, ire mixed with a stab of sympathy for him...

Irritation.  Disgust.

That is my overall feeling when reading about Lieutenant-now-Commander Piper, and the strong desire to put the book down shortly after picking it up.

Battlestations! (#31 Pocket, #  Titan) is Diane Carey's sequel to Dreadnought! 

Once again the adventures of one Piper nee Mary Sue is the last novel in a group of 10 that I had to read, and the prospect of reading another  adventure of Piper the cringe inducing wasn't very attractive.  Now, I feel I was pretty magnanimous when I reviewed Dreadnaught!, these novels just aren't for me... perhaps a younger me would have loved them, but not now and I can't be forgiving now that I have read two of them.

From the outset Battlestations! is ridiculous.  The events occur mere weeks after the events of Dreadnaught! although Piper (Carey?) seems to have a weak grasp on what weeks actually means and Piper is on a sailing ship, on earth, with James T Kirk on whom she has a sizeable crush.  Dr McCoy is on the schooner (named Edith Keeler) presumably to stop any potential cheating on their respective Vulcans.  Suddenly, Kirk is whisked away on charges of stealing transwarp technology, brave Piper then has to sail the schooner (not before assaulting a number of security personnel) to a rendez-vous point where she meets up with old pals Scanner, and Merete and her new command the Tyrannosaurus Rex soon renamed S.S. Banana Republic (because renaming a ship is your first concern right)?  She also meets Spock later who informs her that Sarda (her pet Vulcan) is with the traitors who have stolen the transwarp technology.

The motley crew (Piper is in charge of course, even of Spock and McCoy) upset Klingons (while undercover in a bar on a technologically backwards planet) but eventually are joined by Kirk (having got off being arrested for stealing transwarp technology?).  They storm a research facility save(?) Sarda, get captured, watch as Spock and Kirk exchange deep and meaningful looks after they have been captured, get attacked by Klingons (again).

The moral repugnance of the main traitor is underlined as not only is she trying to sell of the transwarp technology to the highest bidder (causing an interstellar scramble) but also used a dangerous drug to knock out Enterprise's crew, take control of the Enterprise and install the transwarp drive in her.

But.  That's.  Not.  All.

Piper the ever annoying manages to damage one of the nacelles with the Banana Republic, she and her crew then get on the Enterprise and save the day, however the day is not saved as Klingon, Romulan and other powers start trying to take control of the crippled Enterprise.  A firefight ensues where Kirk orders the transwarp drive be repurposed as a weapon and used on the enemy ships, with... somewhat devastating effects.  After what seems like an eternity the cavalry come to save the day and finally the end of the book is in sight.

Still.  Not.  All.

Bonus(?) comedy chapter to prolong the reader's suffering longer.  Piper is going to go sailing with Kirk again, she's going to remain on the Enterprise, and Scanner video'd her unfortunate veil dance and initial harassment by the Klingons.  Then, when she goes to get some sleep, Scotty comes in because she broke his ship.

End.

There.  Now you don't have to read it.  I've spared you from the incessant Mary-Sue-ing, the bad writing, the ridiculous contrivances, and ISS (Inexplicable Stupidity Syndrome).  And lets face it, the universe must have come down with ISS, because that's the only way Piper(Carey?) could ever be the brightest bulb in the box.

I'm not alone!

Now, in my review of the previous book, I gave it/Piper/Carey the benefit of the doubt.  Now that I've had to suffer two of these unfortunately unforgettable books, I'm less inclined to play nice.  It's getting a 1/5 (instead of Dreadnought!'s 2/5), I can't handle the sheer amount of utter tripe I've had to read from this author so far.  Apparently the other ST novels she's written are better, and from a fellow cynic!

And you know, it isn't just a dislike of first person narratives.  I mean, I don't particularly like them or dislike them as a narrative style... but as you know I'm picky, fussy, and critical and I just want books I read to be written well.  Even if you overlook that Piper is an awful character, even avoiding the stigma of the term Mary-Sue, both Dreadnought! and Battlestations! are terribly written.  They are simply badly written, poorly structured nonsense that frankly shouldn't have been published.

"... hair fell around my face as I stared at the floor, cloaking me from their eyes.  I'd have liked to think of my hair as golden, but somehow it never got past pyrite.  The worse the situation got, the browner my hair felt.  Even after all those weeks under earth's sun... 

How did my hair get into this?"

This is the level of inanity ladies and gentlemen, and this is frankly what I hate.  I really, really don't care about this girl's thoughts, I don't care one iota.  I don't care about her hair, I don't care about her various insecurities or about how much she idolizes Kirk.  I don't even want her reasoning for anything because it is flawed and silly and just screams ineptitude.

I really don't want to watch as perfectly acceptable characters have to be shotgun to this girl idiot who can only exist in the position she is due to obscene plot contrivances.  One part that really irked me (one of many) was they were trying to break into the computer of the Banana Republic that Spock and Kirk had put on autopilot.  Why were they trying to break into the computer?  Because Piper doesn't like being manipulated, also Carey has to show that Piper can out think Spock.  Everyone is amazed that Piper out thought Spock and nobody else could have come up with such a easy way to bypass the computer... after all -

"Machines are idiots.  They're marvelous tools, but they're stupid.  You know why they don't put legs on computers?  Because they'd walk off a cliff if you told them to."

Wonderful.  Thank you for you insight.  You're fabulous Piper.  I am surely enriched by your words.  Please carry on. ((She hasn't heard of the three laws of robotics then??))

The only down side to Piper being designated a Mary-Sue is that it gives you a false hope that she'd die at the end of the story.  Alas, she remains fully alive to the end and beyond.

Unlike the goon she disintegrates with a Klingon disrupter because she "needs to be taken seriously".

Apparently Carey has been very open about Piper being a Mary-Sue character, well done Carey, you sold two sub par stories and got a nice little pay cheque out of it, you also ensured that there would be no further Star Trek TOS books with a focus on a main character NOT of the main cast, since after these two sorry excuses a ban was put in place prohibiting them.

1/5 - "Aw, that stinks" quoth a character with a brain cell.

Star Trek - Crisis on Centaurus

Kirk ran it through his mind again.  We're relatively safe as long as we stay in here, as long as Burke knows where we are and feels in control.  If we leave Burke will think he's losing control, and we're dead.  But we've got to leave.  Now just how the hell are you going to pull this one off, Jim?

First question: Was this novel sponsored by American Express, Coca-Cola, Hilton, and British Airways?

Second question: Did I watch the same Star Trek as Brad Ferguson (author)?

From the outset Crisis on Centaurus (#28 Pocket, #47 Titan) (1986) by Brad Ferguson delivers a quite warped view of the Star Trek future.  I'm not going to pull any punches; the story was pedestrian, characterisation was poor, and understanding of the Star Trek almost nonexistent.

Crisis on Centaurus isn't getting a good score, that's for sure.

There were so many things simply wrong about this book, it's difficult to know where to start.

Summary of Crisis on Centaurus - Memory Beta (as of time of writing detailed but incomplete).

The Story

The story was simplistic and uninspired and hinged upon beliefs and mentalities confirmed to be eradicated by this time in human history.  We know that the concept of money is a little hazy and that we know that racism within humans is pretty much unheard of, and we also know that Alpha Centauri IV (or in this case Centaurus) is a thriving Federation colony (in fact a founding member of the United Federation of Planets).  Much of the narrative of Crisis on Centaurus hinges on Centaurus being somewhat at odds with the Federation and Federation principles so ultimately Crisis is based on a faulty premise to begin with.

Initial conflicts of interest / principles with the Federation are apparent from the first page.  What really stuck on page one was the 'American Express' cash machine.  The use of real big name brands occurs throughout the book and to me indicates not only a lack of understanding of Star Trek but also a severe lack of imagination.  I might have been able to ignore the rampant capitalism if Ferguson had bothered to invent an equivalent but... for me the inclusion of American Express (which highlighted a monetary system), Hilton, Coca-Cola, and strangely British Air(ways) broke my suspension of disbelief.

Stretching for ideas, Ferguson uses racism to try and make his villains more... villainous.  Humans who are not only xenophobic of other species, they are also white supremacists!  So, did we watch the same Star Trek or did we see two different shows?  Star Trek TOS explicitly says racism doesn't exist within humans two or three times, humans have grown past that.

Additionally, part of the plot is that the planet's defence system has gone haywire and is shooting nukes at anything that flies...  Sorry, are we part of the Federation or not?

The story is so badly structured and conceived that in order to have an understanding of the motivations of the plot the main remaining villain gives a long winded hypothetical exposition.  Look, Ferguson, if you've got to the point where you've got to wrap up a book and the only way you can do this is by having the bad guy (who really wasn't behind the big explosion anyway) tell you everything from the motivations to the execution of the events because otherwise everyone is going to be none the wiser... you've failed.

A subplot is that the Enterprises' computer system has been damaged and it might have been sabotage!  Except it wasn't and nobody really thought about it too much and took quite a cavalier attitude to the fact there might be a saboteur on the ship, in that nobody actually investigated anything.  As it turns out a tiny black hole winked in and out of existence while the Enterprise was travelling at warp two and that's what damaged the computer system.  It's not really investigated until the end.

Ferguson also seems to forget how the chains of command works on the Enterprise and makes a big thing about Uhura being put in charge of the Enterprise (presumably because she's black or something and it fits with his white supremacists plot point).

Characterisation

Characterisation was poor all round with Kirk having some terrible dialogue and out of character moments, just take a look at this example of sterling writing:

"You can't afford to sneer, Barclay," Kirk said.  "You're too close to being dead right now.  So shut that hole in your face and stay down on the floor."

 Um... What even is this dialogue?  Much of the 'character development' for Kirk revolves around that he'd much rather kill the criminals behind the atrocity but he's going to do his duty despite his desire to end their lives himself.  Laughable.

Spock gets off lightly and Ferguson puts in a few emotional lapses so he isn't a complete robot 100% of the time.  No really terrible dialogue that I can recall but nothing wonderful either.

McCoy is barely in the novel, nor is his daughter Joanna.  You'd think there would be character development here, McCoy being worried about his daughter, some exposition through his daughter.  Well Joanna makes an appearance for about 25 pages, McCoy for reasons unknown doesn't go down to the planet to help until after she is found alive.  Personally I would have thought that nothing would have stopped McCoy from going down to the planet especially since he wouldn't be going on the transporters since they are non-functional throughout the novel.

An OC nurse however does go down to the planet's surface in McCoy's stead.  Her purpose is to provide some cringe inducing dialogue from Chekov and to create some sort of tragic, abortive love affair with him.

Which reminds me every-single-woman is commented on or leched at by Kirk and/or Chekov.  Every time those lines came up I felt like shrivelling up in embarrassment.

The Villains are non-entities.  The scientist who started the blast was a bland nothing, the bad-guys Kirk was trying to save in order for them to be taken to trial and avoid the Centauran death penalty (what?) were bland, uninteresting and 'the big bad' was cliched.  The best villains were the government agents, who weren't villains at all and just wanted to arrest the terrorists under their own laws.  Kirk didn't like one of them... probably because the government official was competent and doing his job unlike everyone else in this version of Star Trek.

Basically, don't read Crisis on Centaurus.  It's a waste of time.  It's not even a good story, let alone a good Star Trek story.

1/5 - Product Placement.

Star Trek - Shadow Lord

Mr Spock stared at the back of the prince's head as if he wished he could impress his words directly upon the prince's brain.  "As painful as life on the border may be, it is a place where change first begins for a culture; and something new and better can be created."

Bibil opened a jar and proffered it to the prince with a bow of his head.  "As your father said when he sent you on your journey, we must find a way to combine technology of the Federation with our own higher spiritual values."

Shadow Lord by Laurence Yep (#22 Pocket, Giant Novel - Titan) (1985) is not the finest example of Star Trek fiction; this is mainly because Yep has no interest in actually writing a Star Trek novel.  The result of this is a sword and sorcery novel with Star Trek characters slotted in to enable it to be sold to Pocket books.  I wouldn't be surprised if the first draft of this novel had a stoic elf sorcerer and his plucky halfling bodyguard in the place of Spock and Sulu.

And I would totally read that book.

Frustratingly, Shadow Lord is  generally well written and I did enjoy it, but if the criteria for 'well written' is 'accurately portrays Star Trek characters and their universe' then unfortunately it falls flat.

Well Jen, if you seriously enjoyed it, surely this is a success? Well no, questioning voice in my brain, it isn't.  If I want to read a sword and sorcery novel, I'll go out and read a sword and sorcery novel, I won't pick up a Star Trek book, capiche?  Also I read Star Trek novels because I like Star Trek characters so when they are completely out of character (touchy feely, smiley, comforty, Spock for example) then it kinda stops being a Star Trek novel.  I also like the Star Trek universe and the technology, and the spaceships etc. but that doesn't really feature either in Shadow Lord.  When both of these rather important aspects Star Trek are missing...then how can this be considered a Star Trek novel?

I'll make it easy for you.  It can't be.  But... an author's gotta do what an author's gotta do, right?

Shadow Lord  was not Laurence Yep's first publication.  From a brief look at his history, his earliest published work appears to have been in 1968 - although I would be surprised if there were earlier publications.  Yep is a prolific author with plays, novels, and picture books under his belt, he would write and publish very few science fiction stories ultimately (four - one children's story and three adult), he would later write predominantly fantasy novels (surprise surprise).

So essentially, great writer, wrong genre.  As testament to to his skill he manages to make a 'bad' Star Trek book not just readable, but enjoyable.  I would like to know if he actually watched the series properly or if he was involved in the fan community in any way because his image of the characters seems to be quite superficial a lot of the time and yet when we have say an argument between McCoy and Spock, it seems to be on the money.

The story itself is pretty simplistic and run of the mill and... so not anything close to Star Trek.

The premise is that a reluctant prince from a world which technologically is stuck around the seventeenth century and socially... well I'd say they were medieval, is returning home in order to influence his planet's modernisation under the guidance of the Federation.  However, when he returns to his home planet he finds that the unguided modernisation his father has begun has caused great suffering and poverty and a coup takes place.  The prince escapes with the help of Sulu, Spock and some loyal retainers and makes his way to his family's land in order to drum up support.  On the way he sees the horrors of his world and decides that although he'd rather stay on the developed worlds of the Federation he must help his people.  The prince gets support from his people, fights a battle where his people win because they have guns and the 'bad guys' army have plate armour and swords.  The prince wins a duel using a technique Sulu showed him at the beginning of the novel, and the prince becomes emperor.  The Enterprise returns to pick up its two officers and leaves some of its other crew to help with the modernisation process.

The story isn't new, it isn't anything ground breaking, it certainly isn't inspiring.   It's pretty much a stock fantasy story sandwiched between two 'Enterprise' sections.  It's a stretch to involve the Federation at all at this point however, I mean they shouldn't be messing with the development of 'undeveloped' worlds in the first place.  Of course this modernisation is going to cause fear and resentment in the people of the planet, they're barely able to get their heads around the fact aliens exist and when they do the result is xenophobia.  I think this is reasonable when you've got an unfathomably big organisation which is unfathomably more developed trying to influence your medieval planet where the height of diplomacy is sticking someone with a sword!

The characterisation, like I mentioned before, can be both strong and weak.  The original characters are better characterised than the established Star Trek characters.

Sulu

Sulu is probably the most natural choice for this story as a representative of the Enterprise / Federation especially when you're beaming down to a planet where the people live and die by the sword (because of the revelation that he enjoys fencing in the episode 'Naked Time').  Personally, when I saw it was a novel where Sulu was going to shine I almost put it down in disappointment.  I generally dislike the characterisation of Sulu and I don't particularly like George Takei. However, Yep's characterisation is so off the mark that it makes Sulu palatable, probably the first time I've actually praised a bad characterisation.

The reason I wondered if Laurence Yep was involved in the fan community is because his characterisation of Sulu is incredibly 'fannish'.  There's like this mythos around Sulu that he's this sword fighting fanatic with a massive obsession with outdated militaria.  It's beyond that he's an expert, it's highly romanticised.  Most of the time this is emphasized and as a result his science capability and his interest in exotic flora is forgotten.  Despite this 'fannish' interpretation, Yep produces a palatable Sulu and made the book readable for me - thank you OOC Sulu!

Spock

Spock is probably the most out of character of the lot, it's not that he's too emotional, it's that he does things that he simply wouldn't do.  Comforting someone by grasping their shoulder for example, openly smiling.  His major contribution to the novel is to bridge the gap between the prince and his duty.  Spock is used as a 'child of two worlds' and is a parallel to the prince who feels the same way, having essentially grown up in the Federation.  After reading a little about Laurence Yep, I realised that Spock (and the prince as well, really) was probably interesting to him as a vehicle to explore his own feelings as a 'child of two worlds'.  Spock manages to be removed from the action when he takes a spear to the hip (better than an arrow to the knee I suppose), but the situation seems quite forced.  I'm not sure why he needed to be removed from the action, unless Yep really likes Sulu? It's not like Spock was overpowered or anything in this story, if anything he was underpowered.

Original Characters

Yep's original characters are probably the strongest (they're the ones he actually wanted to write after all).  The prince (Vikram) is initially foppish (although this is mainly an act) but proves that he's actually worthy of running a planet and reforming it.  The character's development isn't much of a surprise as it's all pretty telegraphed including his budding relationship with Urmi, an initially untrustworthy character who learns to love the prince after travelling with him and helping him get to his family's land.  It just so happened to be that she was his guardian's (?) niece.

Vikram's guardian, Bibil, was a likeable character who had a heroic rat beetle related death and was characterised well.  Actually, most of the minor characters were characterised nicely, even if they are introduced for only a couple of pages which I think is testament to Yep's ability as a writer.  The one character where I'd say it falls down is the villain of the story 'Lord Rahu', he's a bit of a non entity whose actual motivations aren't really fully realised.  A proxy for Lord Rahu is used much of the time, so although we sympathise with the proxy (a good man, doing the right thing for the wrong reasons) and get to know him, we don't really learn about Rahu.  Rahu never really achieves the magnitude he needs to be truly effective.

Finally...

Shadow Lord is an enjoyable story if you're not really expecting to be reading a Star Trek novel.  It doesn't really add any understanding to the characters, nor does it offer a particularly inspiring sci-fi / Star Trek scenario.  It's hard for me to say 'don't read it' because despite its many flaws I found it enjoyable, on the other hand it's not really a successful Trek novel and I don't think you're missing o out on a dose of Trek if you don't bother with this one.

1/5 - Sorry!

Star Trek - The Wrath of Khan - Novelisation

"Jim," he said, "I have been, and will be, your friend.  I am grateful for that.  Live long, and prosper...."

His long fingers clenched into seared claws; the agony of the assault of radiation overcame him.  He fell.

"Spock!" Jim cried.  He pounded the glass with his fists.  "Oh, God no...!"

McCoy tried to make him leave.  Jim snarled and thrust him violently away.  He hunched against the window, his mind crying denial and disbelief.

I find it singularly incredible that an author could be given a gift - a gift - of an adaptation to write, and still manage to faff it up with her own bias and preferences.

It's actually a remarkable skill, to cock up writing one of the most powerful scenes in cinema.

Good ol' Vonda has that skill though.  Not only can she manage to make Spock's iconic death scene a spectacle of mediocrity she also manages to, once again make the mind numbing decision to give more thought and reflection to an 'original character' of sorts, and skip merrily past any in depth consideration of you know, an insignificant character like Admiral James T Kirk.

I swear, Star Trek - The Wrath of Khan by Vonda McIntyre could be renamed Star Trek - Biography of Lt. Saavik because that's what it is.

If you've followed my blog before, you'll know I have a particular antipathy towards a particular author (no prizes for guessing it's Vonda McIntyre), and it's not without good reason!  I swear it!

Here read my other reviews, I'll wait.

#2 Star Trek - The Entropy Effect

 Enterprise - The First Adventure

Put it this way, I knew what to expect and she didn't surprise me one iota.  I mean, if there's information you didn't need or want to know, Vonda will provide.  If there's a female sub character / original character she can give more pages than necessary, she'll do it.  If she can somehow give more page time to Sulu, he'll get it and, frankly, she hates Scotty.  She adores Spock though, so I guess the depressingly badly written death scene might have been a little unexpected... but then again, shorter death scene means more time to lavish on Lt. Saavik.

Well at least after this book I only have, what, three more Vonda-cides to go?

I guess I better start at the beginning?

I don't know what your feelings are on books and film adaptations and where you draw the line between canon and not, but I think they need to be taken on a case by case basis.  For example, the previous film novelisation I would call canon, it was written by Gene Roddenberry after all and I feel he added significant insight with the novelisation, the novelisation actually makes the film make sense, fills in the gaps;  I reviewed it here.

This adaptation... I'd say should be in the category of don't touch it even with a stick, there's so much utter rubbish inserted, so many liberties taken I just can't accept it.  I mean, I know I don't like Vonda's writing style in the first place and have very little patience for her generally, but come on!  If you're going to write a film novelisation at least leave your bias at the door!

Lots of people have positively reviewed this ST:TWOK novelisation and said that it 'explains it all' and that they 'didn't enjoy TWOK because they didn't understand it and this fills in all the gaps'... no, it doesn't it makes up page count with utter trash filler that, if you've read a couple of McIntyre's ST novels you know it is just self indulgence on her part.

What kind of trash filler you ask?

I don't need to know that two of the scientists on Carol and David Marcus' team are jokers with a thing for Lewis Carol.  I don't need a whole poem by Lewis Carol reproduced for me to read.  I don't need to know that these two genius scientists make games in their spare time and leave that as data for Khan and co to pick up instead of the genesis project information.  Why did you have me read pages of utter rubbish about nothing characters that are shortly going to die?

Is Scotty really a prissy, thin skinned uncle?  Do we really need to know that his nephew has a crush on Saavik and has maths lessons with her?  Do we really need that painfully written scene with Spock trying to explain a 'crush' to Saavik?  Or that Saavik really doesn't like omelette because it's bland and has to use chilli on it to make it palatable, or a vegetarian diet makes (half) Romulans sick?

On that note, I know the director pretty much edited out everything to do with Saavik being a Vulcan/Romulan hybrid because she never really acts like a Romulan, so he decided to simplify it with the view of if she always acts like a Vulcan, make her Vulcan, in fact, the actress was a pretty big Spock / Vulcan fan and so she pretty much acted like a Vulcan would - as she had done in make believe as a child (she used to pretend she was Spock's daughter).  So, if we keep in mind that her background in regards to Romulan heritage was edited out, a large section of the book which is dedicated to her and her tragic background is now erroneous.  Why wasn't this caught and edited out?  Couldn't they at least keep it consistent?

Speaking of consistency, wouldn't it be fantastic if dialogue actually in the films was accurate?  Especially for the most important scenes?  It probably didn't escape your notice that the dialogue quoted above does not fit with the dialogue in the film?

Found this wonderful comparison on facebook
 a while back.  Sorry I don't know where
it was originally from!

And really, this dialogue proves to be some of the most important when it comes to Spock / Kirk relationship analysis (doesn't matter if you think that it is a platonic or sexual relationship), as in the graphic above the scene is a reflection of Spock's response as early in the series as Amok Time.

This is how it plays out in the film:

Ergh.  Gets me right in the feels every time.  Every. Single. Time.

I think what really characterises that whole scene is its quietness.  Kirk's quiet agony at watching his friend die, his t'hy'la (soulmate/brother/lover) die and Spock's characteristic calmness... but with that obvious pain and distress.  What really gets me is that the charismatic leader that is James T Kirk is struck virtually dumb, such is his utter despair and pain.  What does he say, ever so quietly?  'Spock'.  'Spock'.  'Yes'.  'No'.  Spock reaches out for contact he can't have, a contact he should have had, which was even expected by Sarek as we see in the next film.  If there was ever a perfect piece of cinema, it is this scene.  What does McIntyre do, well aside from mutilate it with her clumsy writing and stilted sentences?  She makes it loud.  Gone is the quiet despair of Kirk, instead we have outbursts.  Instead of a distressing, intimate moment between two souls saying good bye, we have an interjection by... Saavik.  I read it and wanted to scream, shut up Saavik!  You are not in this scene, of course Kirk will not understand because you are intruding, intruding I say!

You can have a picture 'cause I aint typing it all out.

Even if this was in the original script she saw, if that was how it was done, I don't know, an editor should have caught all this.  Oh wait.  Hold on.  If you edited out Saavik from this section then you would have no reason to return to her for almost three solid pages as she visits Spock's coffin and comes out with zingers like 'Admiral Kirk's opinion was of no significance'.  Well if his opinion is of no significance Saavik, then I don't know whose is!  In comparison, Sulu (another Vonda fav.) gets about a page of shared dialogue with Chapel, while Kirk gets a page of shared dialogue with Carol Marcus.  Then we are straight back to Saavik again for a paragraph before we get to Spock's funeral.  Where Saavik is the first one mentioned.  Again.  I don't care about a character introduced for this film, I really don't.  I want to know about the characters I'm invested in.   And I have a real problem with those three scenes that McIntyre has inserted.  They aren't in the film, that's fine, but they don't add anything either.  They could have been brilliant scenes, revisiting all the old crew, but no, we get too much Saavik, we get Sulu (urgh) and a pretty rushed scene with Kirk and Marcus (double ergh).  Honest to God, she loves her side characters!  That is a Bones and Kirk moment, absolutely, 100%, but no, Carol Marcus it has to be, why use the original cast anyhow?  Additionally, having Saavik as the 'bread' of the sandwich in these scenes makes her too important.  She is used to hold the *two* scenes involving original cast together, she isn't that important, just WHY.

(╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻)

And you know, the really unfortunate thing about all this, is that it makes me really dislike Saavik, which really isn't fair on the character.  In the film Saavik is enigmatic, she;s Vulcan with a little bit of extra emotion.  Perhaps it's youth, perhaps it's just in comparison to Spock she's a little bit more dynamic, but she is acted superbly and the tears at Spock's funeral are poignant because as far as we know, she's Vulcan and displays of emotion like that are a faux pas.  She reflects Kirk at this time, who is unable to hold it together, just about getting the words out.

And I do understand she acts as a kind of audience surrogate... oh, no she doesn't.  Saavik does not work as an audience surrogate, she's new blood as Decker was in TMP, but she is not a surrogate because she is an enigma even to us.  She is a very strange choice to base the much of the perspective of the book from, personally I would have gone for third person omniscient, and not focused on Saavik.  Sure, she can have her exposition, but enough is enough!

Right, I think I have gone on enough about this.  There are serious problems with this novelisation of ST:TWOK and frankly, unless you have some morbid curiosity about Saavik's non canon origins I don't really see the point in reading it.  In contrast to the ST:TMP novelisation, McIntyre's first novel adaptation of the film series adds nothing to our understanding of the film as much of it can't be considered canon.  It does highlight however a severe lack of editorial oversight.

In my opinion, a novelisation should at least be accurate to the scenes included in the film and any extra content should be relevant and add to the reader's understanding of it.

The author should also be competent and not struggle with sentence structure and flow.  McIntyre never, improves on this front (at least in her Star Trek novels).  I have no desire to read any of her other series to see if she actually does improve, I fear I'd feel the urge to claw my eyes out.  Just these will be enough.

1/5 - Don't bother.

((McIntyre's work to me is as a red rag to a bull...))

Star Trek - The Prometheus Design

He awoke strapped down, metal biting into his wrists, ankles.  Dispassionate alien probed him at him.  He was face down.  For a long moment he could see nothing.  Then he managed to turn his head and saw Spock, strapped on another table beside him, conscious of everything being done to or prepared for either of them.

Kinky.  I've totally read this in a gay erotic novel.  That was lacking in story too.

In my time honoured tradition of reading books out of sequence, I turned to The Prometheus Design (#5 Pocket, #35 Titan) (1982) by Sondra Marshak and Myrna Culbreath to avoid reading the second part of the 50th Anniversary Trilogy (I'm struggling to be interested after the first volume...).

Last month I read and reviewed Triangle by Marshak and Culbreath, it failed to impress from a literary perspective, although it is interesting from the perspective of being incredibly slashy and written by those women who are arguably considered the mothers of all slash.  It was incredibly dramatic, it often crossed the line in regards to homosexual subtext, and definitely crossed my line as far as hurt/comfort and Kirk abuse goes.  I did expect much of the same from The Prometheus Design but I was pleasantly surprised, which makes me wonder what on earth they were the playing at with Triangle?

Before I go into The Prometheus Design proper, I have a few musings I hope you'll humour me with.  Firstly, from most of the accounts I can readily find on Sondra Marshak she was a clever woman, and very driven in her... I don't know, obsession with certain aspects of Star Trek.  Most noticeably her interest in developing Vulcan lore (I'm going to assume the Vulcan supremacy obsession is primarily Marshak's contribution) and of course the Kirk/Spock relationship.  I can certainly see her cleverness in her work, there are good ideas certainly but they are not fully formed and often quite confused.  Something I have found in both Triangle and The Prometheus Design is an inability to really focus and refine ideas or, in fact explain them fully.  Of course, I'm not going to discount Culbreath's involvement, I don't know how they worked, and she is also demonstrably an intelligent woman but I can't shake the feeling that it's Marshak's touch that makes their combined work recognisable.  I would like to read something solely from Culbreath just to test my feelings here.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, although I've found much in the way of reports of Marshak's brilliance, I don't really see it - at least not in the two novels I have read.  The Prometheus Design is significantly better than Triangle but it is still very flawed.  The ideas and themes are muddled, as if half understood sometimes simple aspects of the story deliberately obfuscated to project a false intellectualism.  Certainly, I believe Marshak and Culbreath to have embraced a pseudo intellectualism, and in Marshak's case it appears to have been what impressed people within the early fandom.   I would be different if I believed that what was written they themselves understood the implications of what they were asserting, but I really don't believe it to be the case.

Another aspect to Marshak and Culbreath's work is that they heavily reference their novels.  For example they cite many episodes in The Prometheus Design that back up their assertions, however they also cite a number of previously written books / fictions including their own two previous novels published under a different publisher.  This does strike me as a little odd, especially as what they are building on somewhat stretches characterisation of Kirk and especially Spock to extremes.  This might be well and good for a one off novel, but to extend that into an extended continuity?  I have problems with that.  In later novels, there are often references to earlier authors, but only references to good ideas or events that were possible NOT the development of super sadist Spock and masochist Kirk. 

So onto the review proper, yes? 

The book might be rubbish,
but don't they look dashing!

Initially, The Prometheus Design is fairly incomprehensible.  It has a prologue which introduces us to an alien perspective, but the scenes that they are commenting on come later in the book, so the prologue means very little to the first time reader (and why you'd want to read it again unless you were reviewing it is a mystery to me) and there are still sections which remain obscure even then!  The aliens are scientists, obviously conducting some kind of test and Kirk, McCoy, Spock and an unknown Vulcan are the test subjects.  There is talk of a double blind test which will make sense, eventually... although in my opinion it adds nothing to the story at all.

The Prometheus Design removes Kirk as the captain of the Enterprise and places Spock as captain.  Kirk is allowed to stay on as first officer, all this under the order of  a Vulcan who was a pioneer of space exploration, but has been missing for some ten years.  Why is Kirk removed?  Well, this Vulcan believes that he and his bridge crew may be compromised after they were all captured and experimented on by terrifying creatures, but, surprise surprise, Vulcans may be immune to the experiments/suggestions so Spock needs to be in charge.

A portion of the novel is the dedicated to Spock being, quite frankly, a monster.  A MONSTER.  A pointy eared cruel terror who appears to team up with the other Vulcan to undermine and degrade Kirk, not just from the perspective of his removal from command, but also in terms of his personality and species.  We know Spock isn't a commander, he's a genius, yes, but he is not fit for prolonged periods of command especially not when it comes to working with a human crew.  Marshak and Culbreath emphasise that this Spock is not the Spock from the series, he has been changed by gol (this book is set between the first and second films) and Kirk and Spock did not reignite their rapport in quite the same way yet. They have psychic connection however, which is stressed has weakened Kirk's own mental defenses- this point they use in their next book 'Triangle'.  I mean, despite him being as evil as he looks (...apparently, Marshak and Culbreath just love to remind everyone that somehow Vulcans look like the devil himself - he even has horns this time!) he still comes running when Kirk is in trouble (Kirk of course does the same for him).

One thing I couldn't quite decide is whether he was actually in on the other Vulcan's plan or affected by the experiments of the aliens?  I don't really know what would be worse.  The other Vulcan 'Savaj' (which I read as 'Savage') is pretty much a self confessed xenophobe, why Spock would consider Savaj logical from this skewed view I simply don't know.  Savaj's distrust of humanity negatively impacts the crew... oh right.  I almost forgot.

VULCAN COMMAND MODE.

VULCAN COMMAND MODE.

One more time!

VULCAN COMMAND MODE.

It doesn't get any better with repetition, does it (or different fonts).  It is where a Vulcan goes into a... state of mind which requires absolute obedience (there is a Japanese yaoi sex/dating game by that name by the way - translated into English, it's really terrible, just an FYI).  I really can't believe that Vulcans would have such a doctrine, how would it be logical to not question a commander in anyway?  To stop thinking and just obey?  This is used to explain Spock's strange behaviour... I found it made him like a puppet on Savaj's strings.

Okok... so I  know I'm bitching here, and picking at bits and pieces, but honestly my confused review only reflects the convoluted mess that is The Prometheus Design.  In short it's about breaking patterns of behaviour.  The super icky aliens you're initially introduced to as the 'experimenters' are redundant, as far as I can tell they and the double blind test serve no purpose what so ever aside from confuse matters.  They have no part in 'breaking the pattern' they're just... cruel and being directed to do these horrible things by greater powers.  The greater powers can see into the future and realise that their civilisation is heading to destruction, so they are experimenting on civilisations in our galaxy by a) speeding up cultural progression b) causing trauma and pain to certain individuals because... Marshak and Culbreath wanted to cause trauma to Spock and Kirk?  I don't know, I've got nothing.  It's nonsensical.  Anyway, it becomes clear as mud that they want proof that people can break patterns and make a new future.

Naturally our intrepid trio Spock, Kirk and Savaj... oh wait.  McCoy is there too for some reason, but isn't really used...  Our intrepid foursome find the awesome fortress of the... oh wait I totally read this in Triangle...  Um... OK!  They get caught and the fire woman 'Flame' (I kid you not) screws Kirk...  even though he's just a lab animal to her.

Right so... it's in this section we get exposition of this advanced species.  We get some anti-vivisection rhetoric, and Kirk volunteers to be their eternal lab animal if they could just leave the galaxy alone thank you very much.  Spock is annoyed and COMMANDS HIM not to sacrifice himself.  What follows is two different occasions of Kirk 'breaking his pattern of command' and thus showing the super beings that doom can be averted and the future they see isn't the only possible future.  Hooray, thank God that is over.

As a side note, the xenophobic Vulcan 'Savaj' decides that actually, Kirk is a bro and he's totally cool with humans now.

Right am I done yet?  It's taken me a week to summon the desire to write this terrible review (this isn't even a review to be honest) of a terrible book.

Frankly, it's a convoluted mess.  There are some good ideas there, buried in the mire of total horse poo.  I think I said earlier it was better than Triangle.

I lied.

I've changed my mind.

It's getting a 1/5.

I mean, I won't say don't under any circumstances read it, it is interesting to me from a perspective of seeing a fandom develop and the prevalence actually of the slash fandom / authors, but keep your expectations low and don't try to understand it - it isn't worth the headache.

I am going to say there are some good... paragraphs.  As well as some hilarious imagery like naked Kirk running over the top of the shoulders of confused aliens, freely swinging in the...

1/5 - VULCAN COMMAND MODE.

I'm sorry, past a point I couldn't take writing this review seriously anymore.

Forgive me?!

Star Trek - Pawns and Symbols

Jean felt herself lowered suddenly, plunged into the dark.  She was totally disorientated.  The krelk released her into someone's arms.  "Jean!"  The whisper was Aernath's.  She clung to him convulsingly.

... Convulsingly?

It was about half way through Pawns and Symbols that I turned to my long suffering partner and said 'By God, I've found one, I've found a Mary Sue!'.  He laughed then, and we got into a discussion about the origin of the Mary Sue (he didn't realise that the term has its origin in Star Trek fanfiction) and whether this actually was a Mary Sue representation or not.  This soon spiralled into a mini -ongoing - research project, which then sidestepped into why 2009 Uhura is a poor representation of Uhura and a step backwards for female representation in Star Trek - ongoing project no. 2 - and then lept to the defense of slash ST fans everywhere.

And that was only half way through the book.

Pawns and Symbols (#26 Pocket, Giant #4 Titan) (1985)  by Majliss Larson really has to be read to be believed.  There were many times when I realised my mouth was agape, stunned by what I had just read, others where I had to screw up my face to try to release my muscles from a near constant smirk.  I gave a running commentary to my partner, complete with predictions of what I thought would happen next (it wasn't hard), and proclaimed loudly that I had found 'Twilight in Space'.  How about 'Wrath of Mary Sue'?  No? OK.

Firstly, I'm going to get this out the way.  It's definitely a woman writing, and I think the name 'Majliss Larson' is a pseudonym.  I've looked in my usual places and she doesn't appear to have an online presence or any other reference to her aside from Pawns and Symbols.  To be fair, if I was wrote Pawns and Symbols under my own name, I probably would have legally changed it by now, or invoked something like 'right to be forgotten'!

I have to be fair though, it isn't the worst Star Trek novel I've read (and that pool is increasing), but it is the most blatant Mary Sue / Author Proxy / Self Indulging one so far.  About 90% of the book is taken up by misadventures of Jean Czerny - young, botanist, amnesiac, genius, Klingon whisperer, super attractive to Klingons, can beat a Klingon in a knife fight... need I go on?  Her ridiculous romances with out of character Klingons are set within the theme of 'stranger in a strange land'.  Jean has to adapt to life as a captive in hostile territories and in the process exposes the political machinations and mentalities of Klingon society...

...While banging Kang.  Whilst falling in love with the most gentle Klingon ever with blue eyes (later they are described as amethyst as Larson forgets what she wrote earlier in the novel).  You know what?  I'm not even really spoiling it if I tell you that by the end of the novel after smexing Kang one final time, she gets with the pretty Klingon.  Why am I not spoiling it?  Because Jean is a Mary Sue, loud, proud and (probably) unashamed, and if you rouse your inner teenage fangirl she will inform you what the next 'plot twist' will be.

The tag line for the novel is deceptive:

THE KLINGONS ARE HUNGRY FOR WAR - 

AND KIRK IS CAUGHT IN A BRUTAL BATTLE OF WITS!

I actually believed that I was going to get a clever story this time!  A battle of wits!  Perhaps I was going to be treated to Kang and Kirk butting heads, out maneuvering each other with a grudging respect.   The title Pawns and Symbols sounds exciting and the cover, Kirk, Kang and a chess board, complete with 'chess piece' Jean, wheat, and the Enterprise was intriguing.  There is no battle of wits between Kirk & Kang, because Kirk gets barely any story time, the original crew get barely any story time!  There is one section where the Enterprise rescues a Romulan woman, but this feels like filler, almost as if Larson was told 'look here, this in a Star Trek story, you need to actually put the Enterprise Crew in it!'...  And she does but... it's not so much shoehorned in as crowbarred in.  Spock does have a slightly larger role in a strange episode while posing as a Romulan on a Klingon planet...

Essentially, Pawns and Symbols paints a sympathetic picture of the Klingons, and that they are are essentially a good, kind people who war with an aggressive nature.  Also they are seemingly muslims who treat women as chattel and in some areas are forced to wear clothing very similar to the burka.  Women are also written as second class citizens, forced into a subservient attitude - I'm kind of glad that TNG didn't go down this route with female Klingons!

In this story, the Klingons are in a position of desperate need.  They have caused famine on their planets with alteration of their grain strains but do not wish to seek help because they do not want to bargain from a position of weakness.  This is why they keep Jean Czerny as a hostage, as both a bargaining chip and a resource.  Afterall, she is a genius botanist and will be able to help them use a new resistant type of grain succeed on the various affected planets.  Jean is held captive out of necessity for about 6 months, and in that time, makes enemies, becomes Krang's consort, falls in love with Aernath, adopts a Klingon orphan...

Memorable(?) moments:

- Kang cutting her clothes off her the first time they met.
- The 'I'm too scared to write fallacio so this will have to do scene'.
- The it's not rape, it's coerced sex scene.
- 'I'm screwing Kang, but I sure do hope Aernath is jealous' moments.
- Jean seriously scolding herself in the shower and Kang coming to the rescue.
- All the times we didn't have to know Jean needed to go / went to the toilet.
- Mara (Kangs estranged / now not estranged) wife being totally cool and sisterly about Kang screwing Jean.  Surprised she didn't suggest a menage a trois, all the other Klingons love her.
- Jean being made to strip for Kang after being seriously injured.
- All the teeth grindingly terrible variations of 'speaking another language' through sex.
- Injury is this author's kink.
- A bizarrely long episode about Klingon colour blindness that has no actual bearing on the plot, except perhaps making Aernath look more fragile and adorkable.
- Tribbles.

Luckily, this whole debacle is easily written off, as much of its musings about possible Klingon culture and such is smashed a couple of years later with Next Generation in 1987.  As such, Pawns and Symbols has not aged well.  I feel that this book got published 'under the radar' as it were, since we know that Roddenberry (or at least his team) cracked down on the novels after being triggered by Killing Time's homosexual tendencies.  Killing Time was number 24, Pawns and Symbols is number 26, there would have been only a couple of months between them, I doubt whether the editorial mess would have been cleared up in time for this book to have been filtered out or had any editing.  Actually, I'd be surprised if this book had any proofreading or editing at all.  There are so many typing errors and sentences that make absolutely no sense littered throughout, at times I found myself wondering what had just happened.

Frankly I found myself wondering how this book ever saw print.

I've got to give credit where it's due though.  Whoever Majliss Larson is, I think she really cared for this story; I think it meant a lot to her, I think she tried hard.  That doesn't change the fact it's bloody awful, but you do get a sense that it wasn't a throw away novel for her.  In fairness, she tried to show more of the universe by putting a new character in a difficult situation and was able to increase the time passing in the novel as part of that - I haven't had another ST novel in which the event spanned 6 months... yet.  She did try to add a quite a complex society to the Klingons, which could have worked, but her vessel - Jean 'Mary Sue' Czerny - was not the best choice.  Frustratingly, I could see ways in which the narrative could have been improved, she had good ideas that if told more from the perspective of the Enterprise crew could really have worked.

Consequently, I really don't think this is a recommended read unless you're interested in strange OOC Klingon centric stories, and even then you've got to have a high Mary Sue tolerance to reach the end (I was struggling!).

1/5 - Kang bang...?

Star Trek - Devil's Bargain

'The problem is twofold,' Spock Replied.

Devil's Bargain is written by Tony Daniel a veteran sci-fi author who has already penned another Star Trek novel Savage Trade (2015).  Devil's Bargain is a relatively recent release (2013) and is almost entirely sensible.  It's so sensible in fact, that I put it down and read another novel before picking it back up again, forgetting half the story in the process.  It just didn't do anything for me.

As you might have guessed from looking at the cover (and previous posts), this novel was a recent purchase and selected on the grounds that it has Spock on the cover... I actually don't like the cover much, I don't really understand why Spock is red and the background is industrial and grey... it doesn't really fit with the the actual content of the novel.

The premise of Devil's Bargain is a simple (and well worn) one, Enterprise is sent to a frontier colony in the Omega sector - Vesbius (people really should stop foreshadowing their own disasters) - to evacuate the planet before an unstoppable meteor decimates the planet, causing an extinction level event.  However, the colonists refuse to leave the planet, preferring to take their chances with the meteor, claiming that their lives depend upon staying.  In the face of their refusal to leave the planet (a veritable Eden) the Enterprise crew must find a way to save the colonists.  In an inspired moment, Spock suggests they enlist the help of the Horta in order to have them tunnel and break the meteor into smaller pieces.  It's easy peasy, grab the Horta, get back to the planet, get the Horta to munch through the meteor, simple!  And that's pretty much how the 'action' of the narrative plays out.

Genetic engineering is generally considered a bad thing in the Federation, and is especially contentious to Kirk;  the genetic engineering on Vesbius is not particularly different.  Although the original purpose of the genetic engineering is a sincere desire to remain on Vesbius and it's Eden like habitat, it soon twists certain individuals into supremacists, ala Khan.  The vast majority of Vesbians are peaceful people, but there are elements in their council who want to subvert the peaceful populace... zzzz... *yawn*.  Basically, terrorists, xenophobia, irony that Spock comes up with the idea to save them...

The terrorists simply wanted to leave the planet.  I don't really see how this was a problem since they would die anyway within a couple of weeks and it's unlikely they could reverse engineer themselves in the time they had remaining... Surely, surely they could have just been allowed to leave and then the problem would solve itself?  It doesn't make a lot of sense either, since they want to leave and they are also horrendously xenophobic.  I can't even reconcile this plot point to the rest of the narrative, but I guess Daniel wanted to bring some sort of sentient villainy into the genetic engineering story line.  Oh! And someone had to blow up the Vesbian emergency shelters and highlight that they were badly made and wouldn't survive the extinction level event.

The teenage Horta were quite irritating, but then, I can't think of a teenager who isn't, so perhaps the characterisation gets a pass.  This narrative thread involves Spock making a bargain with the Horta, that if some of their number come and help Vesbius then he will stay with them and be their 'All Mother', because the original mummy Horta is dying and the teenage Horta are afraid.  They are pretty much characterised as whiny children, and do the equivalent of throwing poo at each other, causing arguments.  After many misadventures they do pull through however and help save Vesbius.

Also, they create a new clan and one of them wants to join Starfleet.  Kirk thinks that this one Horta could one day Captain a Federation starship...  Yes... Sure, whatever you say Kirk.


Kirk falls in love with an important daughter of Vesbius, and walks right off the cliff we call characterisation and into the sea of parody.  They fall in love, have sex, and Kirk becomes pretty obsessed.  The absolute worst part of this is that we get these long internal monologues from both parties of how this has to be temporary, but their love is beautiful, but perhaps Kirk can leave Enterprise and forget the stars to be with her, but no, alas he can't survive on Vesbius because of the genetic engineering...  I can't even put a humorous spin on this.  I'm sorry.

I have to disagree with Spock, the problem isn't two fold.  There are many, many more problems with this instalment than two.  The worn out narrative and it's uninspiring characters, the bad characterisation which makes the crew seem like parodies of themselves are problems.  Daniel tries to pull in too many threads, too many story lines from the series and failing to do any of them really well.  The humour is missing and Daniel just takes it all so seriously that it becomes boring.

I'm sorry, but I just can't recommend Devil's Bargain - 1/5.

((I didn't like writing this review either... It's just... not very inspirational))

Star Trek - Killing Time

"Let us understand one another, ensign Kirk," Spock Began...

Before we begin proper, I want you to understand a couple of things.  I love this book.  I love it for its utter absurdity.  I love it for its blatant slash pairing.  I love its clunky dialogue, it's overly romantic descriptions and it's not so subtle expectation for you to read between the lines; ok, not so much 'read between the lines' as read the neon lights.

I also love the controversy of how this book came to be printed, how many of the original printings were recalled destroyed, or how furious Gene is said to have been when he realised that all the edits which had been made (over 50 in total) had been completely ignored and thus, this beautifully slashy monster had found its way to the shelves. Read more here.

Killing Time by Della Van Hise is that wonderful monster and I can tell you here at the beginning it is getting two ratings: 1/5 and 5/5.  The story is a nonsensical romp, the writing at times, ridiculous (you'd be forgiven if you had to check the cover to make sure you weren't reading Mills & Boon), and the slash so thinly veiled that it would make your grandmother blush.  However, despite it's seeming lack of quality, I just can't hate it.  In fact, this sincere, unabashed labour of love wins me over totally.

I'll be the first to admit I'm picky when it comes to books, but occasionally a spectacularly bad book can win me over, and Killing Time is one of those books.  You know the phrase 'it's so bad it's good'?  I have been known to describe Killing Time as 'pure gold', 'genius', 'utterly hilarious', perhaps I'm just Hise's intended audience?  Unfortunately, I don't have a first edition copy (mine is the first revised edition...), but I'm working on it! List of changes between the two editions.

So... give me a brief overview?

You've got it!  The novel is initially pretty slow to start in comparison to many of the other TOS novels from the period, which is actually pretty nice.  We're introduced to a couple of new characters, Richardson (a human) and S'Parva (a telepathic dog like race 'body of a goddess, face of an irish setter').  These two new characters are well developed and are more important than characters like Sulu or Uhura who fall to the wayside somewhat.  We also learn that Enterprise crew are having strange dreams in which they feel slightly displaced.  These dreams turn out to be 'second history' asserting itself, until finally, 'first history' finally gives way and is replaced by 'second history', with disastrous consequences.

It's the mirror universe then?

No, it isn't the mirror universe, it's the 'second history' of the prime universe.  It would be interesting to find out how the mirror universe would be affected by 'second history' though... I digress.

It turns out that the Vulcans are the dominant species in the Federation, the Enterprise is now the Shikahr and Spock is the captain!  Kirk on the other hand has been relegated to the position of ensign!

The alteration of the timeline hasn't gone smoothly however, and the disparity between first and second history is causing those whose second history life is too disparate from their original life to go mad!  Those who fulfil the same role in both histories do not appear to develop the madness, or at least at the same rate.  McCoy and Uhura fulfil the same roles, and are not plagued by dreams.

Ok, so who are the big bads, and how did they do it?

The Romulans, it was the Romulans.  They sent (*android*) agents back in time and killed the men  who would lay the foundations for the Federation as it stands in first history.  The ships involved in this operation are unchanged by the displacement and those on board retain their full memory of first history.  They did it by travelling at warp ten and slingshotting around the sun, causing them to be able to move backwards (and it seems, forward) in time.

Of course it was the Romulans.

ANYWAY.  Kirk and Spock need to confess their undying love remember their friendship and save the galaxy from madness and destruction, they do this by teaming up with 'Romeo' Richardson and the psychic dog woman.  McCoy is also essential, because he has to um... give medical advice and uh... give support to Captain Spock who is suffering from Pon Farr... (the time line is different, so Spock is going through Pon Farr at a different time... for MAXIMUM drama and sexual tension).

Anything else I should know?

The Romulan Praetor is female and has the hots for Spock.  She actually temporarily bonds with him and uh... solves his pon farr problem.  Additionally, the Romulans appear to be a patriarchy, nobody knows the Praetor is female and she has kinky male slaves?

Honestly, I don't want to spoil TOO much, it's better to read this beauteous piece of slash fanfiction yourself.

Spock as captain of the Shikahr appears to command well, quite unlike in the series, although his own introspection reveals he is not confident of his abilities (despite logically, being perfectly capable).  He feels that he would do better in a supporting role to someone else... someone like Kirk who, in a twist of fate is a conscripted ensign on the ShiKahr.  Kirk is a troubled drug addict who, it seems, was framed for the murder of a Vulcan instructor at the academy.  He was interrogated using the now banned Talos device (coincidentally... Spock tried it on himself and was so horrified by it that he lobbied for it to be banned), which has left him mentally vulnerable and he was later imprisoned in terrible conditions on earth.

Spock and Kirk dream of each other constantly.  They have a permanent mental link, which isn't even severed when second history asserts itself.  Before second history Spock meets his Kirk, he dreams of him and calls him T'lema - he who walks in dreams as well as wondering whether this unknown human was in fact his T'hy'la - friend, brother, lover.  The images he sees in his mind's eye are quite romantic -

'firm features, tanned flesh, expressive hazel eyes, and a compelling human grin.  Single lock of gold-bronze hair falling to the middle of a high forehead.  Still... a stranger.  A man who inhabited dreams'.

Later -

'There was no mistaking the intense hazel eyes, the almost defiant stance, the muscled body, the lock of errant hair which fell into the middle of the human's forehead'.

Spock, surprisingly is the main instigator of their relationship, and it seems the most emotionally affected.  Second history Kirk and his experience of the Talos Device have left him unable to trust his own mind, which essentially strips away a defining portion of Kirk's character.  Kirk discounts his dreams and visions as lingering effects of the mind probing device and chides himself for giving in to delusions of grandeur.  I'm going to come back to 'romantic' but this time I'm going to use a capital 'R'.  The premise of the book is ultimately a 'Romantic' one; the natural order and pure feeling of the universe will assert itself.  In any universe, Kirk must be on the Enterprise, Spock must be partnered with Kirk; they are the linchpins of the galaxy's natural law.  Kirk is a dissociated, Byronic hero, dark, mysterious and brooding (initially, he becomes a Romantic hero later), while Spock is his Romantic counterpart.

Perhaps I'm giving this too much thought.

The most, I don't know, shocking event in this entire travesty is the rape mind meld scene where Spock simply can't help himself and penetrates invades the mind of the sleeping (he was asking for it) Kirk.  This pretty much completely goes against Vulcan ethics on mind melds, since it should only be carried out between willing participants, or at least, they should be awake.  However here Kirk is watched while he sleeps, and then mentally invaded by Spock.  It's not consensual although femme Kirk appears to accept the assault as acceptable after all, he is mad.  After this event, Kirk starts to regain himself and starts to become the Captain we know, with the occasional aggressive outburst.  Without spoiling too much Kirk and Spock retain a strong psychic link even with a couple of solar systems between them... and towards the end of the book we get some very slashy moments... and this is even in the revised edition...  So much Spirk.

The Romulans are quite strangely presented, I won't go into it too much, but they are presented as being a patriarchy while in canon they are pretty egalitarian.  While Van Hise obviously likes the slash pairing of Spirk, she also enjoys the idea of female empowerment and fooling the male Romulans - which is one of the reasons the Praetor is so interested in Spock.  I can't help but think that she has put herself in the position of the Romulan Praetor, and writing some serious wish fulfillment.

Richardson and S'Parva... Furry representation.  You've got to love it.  They are there to help explain the two histories as S'Parva is able to guide Richardson in his dreams about first history.  There is also a very awkward 'don't go to the light' type scene.

I could go on.  But I think I'll end it here.  The revised editions are easy to get hold of, and I sincerely recommend this utter tripe fantastic addition to the Star Trek novel series, whether you are into slash or not.

If you are a fan of slash, boys love, gay fiction, you need to read this.  Kirk and Spock are the first really mainstream slash couple, slash's original meaning was KirkxSpock this is part of gay fiction history.

If you're not a fan, read it and give thanks that after this volume, they kept a closer eye on the non-canon novels.

Highly Recommended - if nothing else it's a good laugh, at best it's an accidental work of genius.

1/5 & 5/5.