I'm not going to let him work our windward Piper, bring the jib sheet in two pulls. You left it too free."
Always the cut. Always the barb. Why? Didn't he have enough laurels to sit on? Not ten people in a million had his status. Why pick on me?
But as I glared at the captain, ire mixed with a stab of sympathy for him...
Irritation. Disgust.
Always the cut. Always the barb. Why? Didn't he have enough laurels to sit on? Not ten people in a million had his status. Why pick on me?
But as I glared at the captain, ire mixed with a stab of sympathy for him...
Irritation. Disgust.
That is my overall feeling when reading about Lieutenant-now-Commander Piper, and the strong desire to put the book down shortly after picking it up.
Once again the adventures of one Piper nee Mary Sue is the last novel in a group of 10 that I had to read, and the prospect of reading another adventure of Piper the cringe inducing wasn't very attractive. Now, I feel I was pretty magnanimous when I reviewed Dreadnaught!, these novels just aren't for me... perhaps a younger me would have loved them, but not now and I can't be forgiving now that I have read two of them.
From the outset Battlestations! is ridiculous. The events occur mere weeks after the events of Dreadnaught! although Piper (Carey?) seems to have a weak grasp on what weeks actually means and Piper is on a sailing ship, on earth, with James T Kirk on whom she has a sizeable crush. Dr McCoy is on the schooner (named Edith Keeler) presumably to stop any potential cheating on their respective Vulcans. Suddenly, Kirk is whisked away on charges of stealing transwarp technology, brave Piper then has to sail the schooner (not before assaulting a number of security personnel) to a rendez-vous point where she meets up with old pals Scanner, and Merete and her new command the Tyrannosaurus Rex soon renamed S.S. Banana Republic (because renaming a ship is your first concern right)? She also meets Spock later who informs her that Sarda (her pet Vulcan) is with the traitors who have stolen the transwarp technology.
The motley crew (Piper is in charge of course, even of Spock and McCoy) upset Klingons (while undercover in a bar on a technologically backwards planet) but eventually are joined by Kirk (having got off being arrested for stealing transwarp technology?). They storm a research facility save(?) Sarda, get captured, watch as Spock and Kirk exchange deep and meaningful looks after they have been captured, get attacked by Klingons (again).
The moral repugnance of the main traitor is underlined as not only is she trying to sell of the transwarp technology to the highest bidder (causing an interstellar scramble) but also used a dangerous drug to knock out Enterprise's crew, take control of the Enterprise and install the transwarp drive in her.
But. That's. Not. All.
Piper the ever annoying manages to damage one of the nacelles with the Banana Republic, she and her crew then get on the Enterprise and save the day, however the day is not saved as Klingon, Romulan and other powers start trying to take control of the crippled Enterprise. A firefight ensues where Kirk orders the transwarp drive be repurposed as a weapon and used on the enemy ships, with... somewhat devastating effects. After what seems like an eternity the cavalry come to save the day and finally the end of the book is in sight.
Still. Not. All.
Bonus(?) comedy chapter to prolong the reader's suffering longer. Piper is going to go sailing with Kirk again, she's going to remain on the Enterprise, and Scanner video'd her unfortunate veil dance and initial harassment by the Klingons. Then, when she goes to get some sleep, Scotty comes in because she broke his ship.
End.
There. Now you don't have to read it. I've spared you from the incessant Mary-Sue-ing, the bad writing, the ridiculous contrivances, and ISS (Inexplicable Stupidity Syndrome). And lets face it, the universe must have come down with ISS, because that's the only way Piper(Carey?) could ever be the brightest bulb in the box.
Now, in my review of the previous book, I gave it/Piper/Carey the benefit of the doubt. Now that I've had to suffer two of these unfortunately unforgettable books, I'm less inclined to play nice. It's getting a 1/5 (instead of Dreadnought!'s 2/5), I can't handle the sheer amount of utter tripe I've had to read from this author so far. Apparently the other ST novels she's written are better, and from a fellow cynic!
And you know, it isn't just a dislike of first person narratives. I mean, I don't particularly like them or dislike them as a narrative style... but as you know I'm picky, fussy, and critical and I just want books I read to be written well. Even if you overlook that Piper is an awful character, even avoiding the stigma of the term Mary-Sue, both Dreadnought! and Battlestations! are terribly written. They are simply badly written, poorly structured nonsense that frankly shouldn't have been published.
I really don't want to watch as perfectly acceptable characters have to be shotgun to this girl idiot who can only exist in the position she is due to obscene plot contrivances. One part that really irked me (one of many) was they were trying to break into the computer of the Banana Republic that Spock and Kirk had put on autopilot. Why were they trying to break into the computer? Because Piper doesn't like being manipulated, also Carey has to show that Piper can out think Spock. Everyone is amazed that Piper out thought Spock and nobody else could have come up with such a easy way to bypass the computer... after all -
Wonderful. Thank you for you insight. You're fabulous Piper. I am surely enriched by your words. Please carry on. ((She hasn't heard of the three laws of robotics then??))
The only down side to Piper being designated a Mary-Sue is that it gives you a false hope that she'd die at the end of the story. Alas, she remains fully alive to the end and beyond.
Unlike the goon she disintegrates with a Klingon disrupter because she "needs to be taken seriously".
Apparently Carey has been very open about Piper being a Mary-Sue character, well done Carey, you sold two sub par stories and got a nice little pay cheque out of it, you also ensured that there would be no further Star Trek TOS books with a focus on a main character NOT of the main cast, since after these two sorry excuses a ban was put in place prohibiting them.
1/5 - "Aw, that stinks" quoth a character with a brain cell.
The motley crew (Piper is in charge of course, even of Spock and McCoy) upset Klingons (while undercover in a bar on a technologically backwards planet) but eventually are joined by Kirk (having got off being arrested for stealing transwarp technology?). They storm a research facility save(?) Sarda, get captured, watch as Spock and Kirk exchange deep and meaningful looks after they have been captured, get attacked by Klingons (again).
The moral repugnance of the main traitor is underlined as not only is she trying to sell of the transwarp technology to the highest bidder (causing an interstellar scramble) but also used a dangerous drug to knock out Enterprise's crew, take control of the Enterprise and install the transwarp drive in her.
But. That's. Not. All.
Piper the ever annoying manages to damage one of the nacelles with the Banana Republic, she and her crew then get on the Enterprise and save the day, however the day is not saved as Klingon, Romulan and other powers start trying to take control of the crippled Enterprise. A firefight ensues where Kirk orders the transwarp drive be repurposed as a weapon and used on the enemy ships, with... somewhat devastating effects. After what seems like an eternity the cavalry come to save the day and finally the end of the book is in sight.
Still. Not. All.
Bonus(?) comedy chapter to prolong the reader's suffering longer. Piper is going to go sailing with Kirk again, she's going to remain on the Enterprise, and Scanner video'd her unfortunate veil dance and initial harassment by the Klingons. Then, when she goes to get some sleep, Scotty comes in because she broke his ship.
End.
There. Now you don't have to read it. I've spared you from the incessant Mary-Sue-ing, the bad writing, the ridiculous contrivances, and ISS (Inexplicable Stupidity Syndrome). And lets face it, the universe must have come down with ISS, because that's the only way Piper(Carey?) could ever be the brightest bulb in the box.
 |
| I'm not alone! |
And you know, it isn't just a dislike of first person narratives. I mean, I don't particularly like them or dislike them as a narrative style... but as you know I'm picky, fussy, and critical and I just want books I read to be written well. Even if you overlook that Piper is an awful character, even avoiding the stigma of the term Mary-Sue, both Dreadnought! and Battlestations! are terribly written. They are simply badly written, poorly structured nonsense that frankly shouldn't have been published.
"... hair fell around my face as I stared at the floor, cloaking me from their eyes. I'd have liked to think of my hair as golden, but somehow it never got past pyrite. The worse the situation got, the browner my hair felt. Even after all those weeks under earth's sun...
How did my hair get into this?"This is the level of inanity ladies and gentlemen, and this is frankly what I hate. I really, really don't care about this girl's thoughts, I don't care one iota. I don't care about her hair, I don't care about her various insecurities or about how much she idolizes Kirk. I don't even want her reasoning for anything because it is flawed and silly and just screams ineptitude.
I really don't want to watch as perfectly acceptable characters have to be shotgun to this girl idiot who can only exist in the position she is due to obscene plot contrivances. One part that really irked me (one of many) was they were trying to break into the computer of the Banana Republic that Spock and Kirk had put on autopilot. Why were they trying to break into the computer? Because Piper doesn't like being manipulated, also Carey has to show that Piper can out think Spock. Everyone is amazed that Piper out thought Spock and nobody else could have come up with such a easy way to bypass the computer... after all -
"Machines are idiots. They're marvelous tools, but they're stupid. You know why they don't put legs on computers? Because they'd walk off a cliff if you told them to."
Wonderful. Thank you for you insight. You're fabulous Piper. I am surely enriched by your words. Please carry on. ((She hasn't heard of the three laws of robotics then??))
The only down side to Piper being designated a Mary-Sue is that it gives you a false hope that she'd die at the end of the story. Alas, she remains fully alive to the end and beyond.
Unlike the goon she disintegrates with a Klingon disrupter because she "needs to be taken seriously".
Apparently Carey has been very open about Piper being a Mary-Sue character, well done Carey, you sold two sub par stories and got a nice little pay cheque out of it, you also ensured that there would be no further Star Trek TOS books with a focus on a main character NOT of the main cast, since after these two sorry excuses a ban was put in place prohibiting them.
1/5 - "Aw, that stinks" quoth a character with a brain cell.
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